My Plot Bunnies Series
by Nodakskip
Summary: This series is stand alone stories that I have, but are not one huge story. Ratings may go up and down so I am saying rating as M to be safe.
1. New Path

**Title:** Picking a new path.

**Author:** Nodakskip

**Rating: **PG-13

**Beta by: **Theo

**Continuity: **Everything Buffy, AU for Angel people. Took some stuff from the Angel ep 'Birthday'.

**Summary:** A disillusioned Xander has to pick where his future is going to go, after Sunnydale falls.

---

**Los Angeles, CA**

**May, 2003**

Xander Harris felt nothing.

All through the bus ride from the huge crater that had formerly been Sunnydale, he had become a void; an empty shell, almost. Something that had kept on going with the mechanics of life, but lacked the necessary spark that differentiated a human being from, say, a zombie for example.

Because SHE was dead.

Anya Jenkins - his former betrothed - had been killed 19 days ago, saving the life of Andrew Wells.

And what really got Xander's blood boiling, was that no one - apart from him - seemed to be truly mourning her loss...

His friends had tried to talk to him about it, but to no avail. None of them had really cared about Anya the way he had, no matter what they said. And finally, they'd all left him alone like he wanted.

And throughout his journey to the City of Angels, Xander Harris felt nothing.

---

**The basement car park of Wolfram & Hart, Attorneys at Law**

"Good afternoon, Mr. Harris."

Xander kept his distance; he didn't know for sure what this being in the tight mini-skirt really was, and given his demon magnet status it was better to be safe than sorry. "Afternoon," he replied carefully, as they walked towards the elevators. "Is the big cheese up yet?"

"Mr. Angel is currently in a meeting with Ms. Summers and Ms. LeHane," the blond woman told him. "However, Ms. Summers asked that you be escorted up as soon as you arrive."

"Thanks," Xander said simply, as he went into the elevator.

"Just doing my job, sir."

---

**The outer lobby of Angel's office building**

_Ding!_

The vampire Harmony Kendall looked up from her desk, as the elevator chimed. She already knew who was going to come out, since she had been alerted to his arrival.

"Xander, hi..." the blonde woman said carefully, as the man walked towards her desk. "Uh, you're not going to try to stake me again, are you?"

"As much as it would really make my shitty day...for some incomprehensible reason, Angel asked me not to," Xander told the much-relieved demon. "But don't think for a second I'm forgetting about your attempts to kill me and my friends in the 'dale, back then. And if we ever meet outside this building? I'll put six bullets into your head, before I drown you in holy water..."

"Well, sorry!" the undead woman exclaimed, as she threw up her hands. "I'm a vampire now, remember? And you guys were the Slay-gang...you should know the program by now! And God, even when we were back in high school you-"

Xander's face took on a VERY nasty look. "Don't."

"Don't?" Harmony asked in confusion. "Don't what?"

"Don't say stuff like that," he told her seriously. "Because you're not the real Harmony Kendall. She's dead, and has been for four years. You, you're just a demon that's set up shop where she used to live..."

Vamp Harmony backed up, as Harris edged closer. "What the hell, I never liked Harmony. Fact is - she was a complete pain in the ass, to be brutally honest. The only time she ever acted like a person, was when she helped us fight the Mayor at Graduation. And for her one act of bravery, her corpse gets used as a plaything by Spike? There's no justice in this world..."

Harmony didn't take that kindly. She pointed a finger at the carpenter and told him quickly, "I was SO not a plaything! I happen to be a Master vampire!"

"Sure you are. And I just got started on a blood-only diet! Come on, YOU'RE a master vamp? One who's now working as a bimbo secretary, for Spike's grandsire?" Xander quickly retorted.

"Why, you-!"

"Really, Xander..." Both human and vampire stopped at Wesley's voice behind them. "Must we have this childish display in public?"

"I don't recall asking or caring what you think, Wes," Xander told the man simply, as he turned away from Harmony.

True, Xander might have shown more respect towards the ex-Watcher, but then it wasn't his hospitality that the Sunnydale gang was enjoying. It was Angel's.

Also, the young man was more than a little miffed over how the British guy had instantly assumed Xander was the same person he'd been in high school - apart from the eyepatch. While Xander was supposed to be in awe, of how big of a badass Wesley had become?

(Screw that.)

Xander may have had more than a few sour spots in high school, but at least he'd never attempted to sell out the rest of the gang while under threat of losing his kneecaps.

(Plus, there was all that drooling over my ex. Nothing better to have made me dislike his limey ass,) Xander had to privately admit to himself.

"Hey, everyone," Harris said, as he and Wesley entered the boardroom.

"You feeling okay, stud?" Faith asked from her seat near the bandaged Robin Wood.

"Painkillers are doing their job, Faith-y," Harris told her, as he sat down in an empty chair. (And, thanks; at least you weren't hypocritical enough to come up to me on the bus, and say how sorry you were for my loss.)

Angel checked a sheet in one of the folders he had in front of him. "The doctors tell me that they should be ready for the transplant tomorrow night."

Xander nodded. "Dea- sorry, Angel. I want you to know, that despite how intensely I very much hate saying this...thank you."

"You're welcome," the ensouled vampire responded. "It's just one of the things that we can do now, with this place's resources."

Buffy looked at her oldest male friend. "The last of the potentials should be released from the hospital in a few days. Then we can all join Giles and the others in England..." She was still a bit edgy about their...discussion...on the bus earlier.

"Good to hear," Xander said emotionlessly. Truth be told, he was feeling burnt out and didn't even know if he was going to bother leaving the U.S.

The meeting went for a while, discussing how the firm could best assist in locating newly-called Slayers. It was the main sticking point; as no one knew if there was some hidden catch to this deal that the Senior Partners had dished out to Angel.

Faith and Xander were the main ones not to want the law firm too involved in the Council's activities.

If it all went south at some point, they didn't want Wolfram & Hart too deep in bed with the good guys.

---

**The outer lobby**

**A few hours later**

"Now, you look like you could use a drink."

Xander looked up from the plasma TV on the other wall. "It's Lorne, right?"

"Correctamundo, Mr. Gloomy Sourpuss," the green demon said, as he sat down across from Xander. "Need a friendly ear?"

Xander looked at him in thought for a moment, before he just shrugged. "There isn't much for me to do right now..."

Looking through the windows to Angel's office he saw Angel, Wesley, Buffy and that Fred girl talking. "We're just cooling our heels, till the new Slayers get out of the hospital. And then..."

"And then off to merrie olde England?" the demon filled in for him. "Land of the bangers and mash?"

"Yeah, off to England..." Xander replied, amused for a second before the general apathy set back in. "No clue as to what I'm going to do there though, actually. My luck, I'll get sent to some remote place to search for new Slayers-"

"Important work," Lorne said.

"Yeah," Xander said to the anagogic demon. "But as I said - with my luck, I'll get sent to some really remote place. Maybe the land of Narnia? Or possibly even Middle Earth, to get my ass kicked..."

Lorne grinned. "Now you, my friend, have a unique outlook on life!"

Harris ignored that. "Trouble is from what Giles has learned, the First only killed off the big boys and their potentials. About fifty percent of the Watchers' facilities and personnel that were underground, off the radar, are still intact."

The lounge demon leaned forward. "And you think you're going to be unimportant?"

Xander sighed. "Don't know how much of the backstory you know, but my friends have had this thing for quite a while now, for me to be out of the fighting. During the big fight with the First, Slay-gal sent me off on babysitting duty with her little sister. Granted I'd lost my eye by then, but still I have to wonder..."

Not wanting to hash all this out at the moment, Xander changed the subject. "You're the head of the Entertainment division now, right?"

Lorne tilted his head slightly. "Guilty as charged."

"I need to do something, Lorne. Get away from everyone here. Any suggestions? This is LA, there must be something going on tonight," Xander said. "Something to take my mind off maybe becoming Captain Dunsel."

When Lorne raised an eyebrow at the term, Xander added, "Pop-culture reference from Star Trek. Probably way too 1967 for you."

"Oh," the former Host said, before he smiled. "Well, sugar-pie, there's a billion things to do here in LA on a Friday night. Anything in particular catch your fancy?"

Xander shook his head. He really didn't feel like being the one-eyed man people stared at within a nightclub, or something. He then stopped mid-musing, as he saw Harmony walk out of Angel's office with a stack of papers. (Of course.) "Hey Lorne, can you get me tickets to a TV show taping?"

"Shouldn't be hard. What studio?"

"Show was on NBC last I heard, so I assume theirs," Xander mused.

"You never know in the TV biz, kid," Lorne replied. "Some shows are sold to other networks. Damn shame too, in some cases. What show did you have in mind?"

"The one that a former girlfriend is on," Xander told him. "Cordy."

Lorne whistled. "Next to Friends, sweetikins, that's one of the top shows out there today! It'll be taped at NBC, for sure. And who's this woman on that show that you know?"

"Cordelia Chase."

Lorne's eyes showed surprise at that name. "Wes's old flame?"

"Wesley?" Xander asked, surprised. "Huh. Never knew they dated out here."

"No, they didn't..." Lorne replied. "But I recall him telling Gunn that he dated her once, before they arrived in town."

"Drooled over her, maybe," Xander told him, amused. "But yeah, I think they went on one date back in the day. Tops."

"Well, anyway," Lorne said, getting up. "Let's head on over to my office, pilgrim, and see if I can't hook you up some tickets."

---

**NBC Studios, Los Angeles, CA**

**Two hours later**

Xander sat in his seat in the upper corner of the audience, trying desperately not to think of Anya's loss.

Lorne had managed to get the very last of the free tickets for the show taping. There wasn't much to look at for the moment, from his vantage point. There was a large moveable wall set between the sets, and the crowd. The show's logo 'CORDY!' was in a large decal on the wall.

So while he had time to kill, Xander tried to recall the last time he had seen Cordelia.

It had been way back when she'd first gotten her big break as the love interest in an action flick, if he recalled right. She'd invited him to the set one time, to see her in her emerging stardom. They'd then spent her day off from shooting, hanging out and putting the past to rest.

But that had been three years ago. Before he and Anya had gotten serious; and Harris had not seen her in person ever since. Outside of a few phone calls and some emails, plus one belated Christmas card, they hadn't talked at all.

But he had seen her. Xander had gotten the DVD of her movie, plus he had watched the sitcom she had landed every week. Granted, he'd had to TiVo it most of the time; he had been busy with Anya, work, or Slayage. Plus, since the show was on NBC the DVD box sets of the first two seasons were already out and on his shelf.

Even though, granted, his apartment shelf was now at the bottom of a crater.

Xander had to admit he was luckier than most there. When the entire town had just suddenly up and evacuated, he didn't need to be called 'the one who sees' to tell that the jig was finally up. One of his employees was taking off, so Xander had gotten him to take a few boxes of his stuff along. All his important stuff, including the box sets, had been waiting for him here in town to be picked up.

"You actually know Cordelia Chase?"

The loud, screeching female voice in the seats in the row under him jarred Xander out of his musings. Three young girls, he'd guess around 19 years old, were staring at a guy in his twenties.

"Not only do I know her," the guy said smugly. "I dated her in high school!"

Xander's eyebrows rose, as the girls oohed in astonishment. As Harris knew Cordelia had had a lot of boyfriends before they'd gotten together, but he didn't remember this guy at all.

"Yep," the loudmouth told the femmes. "And you know how her bio said she had only one serious boyfriend in high school?"

The girls nodded their head almost as one. "You were the guy who cheated on her?" one of them asked him.

"Hell, no!" the guy said. "I, Chuck Martins, would never cheat on a girl like Cordelia! That guy was scum. It was all before I met her..." The man leaned in towards the girls. "Of course - once I found out what he'd done, I kicked that loser's ass!"

(What the hell?) Xander thought as he listened. (This just went from interesting, to unbelievable! Ah, wait, of course. He wants to get one or more of 'em into bed tonight...)

"Good!" one girl said. "From what I read, he sounded like a major creep!"

"Oh, he was..." Chuck said. "In fact, she switched schools to get away from him. You see - that asshole started to stalk her," Chuck kept talking. "So Cordelia changed over to Fondren High. It was an all-girls private school-"

That finally caused Xander to laugh. (Dude, check your facts before you...) He stopped mid-thought, when he saw the girls and Chuck looking at him.

"What are you laughing at, creep?" one of the girls demanded.

Xander just shrugged. "Cordelia Chase never switched high schools during her senior year."

Chuck didn't lose his cool, as Xander talked; the girls on the other hand, scoffed at the one-eyed man. Harris then added, "And just for the record, Chuck, the all-girls school near Sunnydale was Kent Prepatory. Fondren was no-"

"And just how would you know?" Chuck smirked at him.

"Because I'm the guy whose ass you kicked, for cheating on Cordelia," Xander replied. "Name's Xander Harris?"

The girls broke out into laughter, as Chuck suddenly went pale. "Right," the one right below Xander's seat scoffed. "Cordelia Chase went out with a one-eyed freak like you? Try something a bit more believable-!"

Xander took out his wallet, and showed his mini-diploma to the foursome - at least, those who bothered to turn around. "Xander Harris; Sunnydale High, class of 1999." He then looked at the weasel. "And Chucky? I got some questions for you, like when exactly you got together with Queen C..."

When the girls looked at Chuck, he just shook his head. "Ignore him, he's obviously crazy-"

"Am I?" Xander asked, feeling more alive than he had in weeks. "Well, you may be right. Hey, you guys are probably wondering what happened to my eye, aren't you? Everybody does. Well, what the hell - the truth is, a few weeks before Sunnydale was sucked into the earth, I was at a vineyard one night - and met a crazy priest, who liked to kill people..."

The girls went pale, as Xander went on. "Long story short, I saved a 19-year-old lesbian from Reverend I-Hate-Women, and as thanks he gouged out my left eye with his thumb. Pretty gross, I gotta tell you. I spent ages in the hospital. Lost my depth perception. And then, Cordy's replacement Anya - the woman I'd left at the altar, but still loved - she got killed, during the big earthquake. So tell me, guys - would all that qualify me as crazy?"

Chuck and the girls looked sick, and would have tried to get away from Xander. But before the discussion could go on, the lights dimmed and a set of lights in front of the logo covered wall light up. An announcer came out, and told them he was going to introduce "Cordy's" stars.

"Gregory Danne."

"Elliott Sims."

"Carol Wright."

The audience clapped for all of them with earnest, Chuck and the girls forgetting about the loony right above them. Then when the last name was announced, the show's main star, the place erupted in a frenzy.

"And of course, Cordelia Chase!"

As Xander was applauding, the three teenage girls started screaming. "Cordelia, we love you!"

Harris had to cover his ears as the obviously-deaf man in his sixties next to him, started yelling and applauding as well. The group of guys in the first row made the most noise; Xander had seen fraternity sweaters on all of them, as they came in.

(Guess the audience approval doesn't need to be faked...) he thought, as Cordelia took the microphone. And Xander guessed she couldn't see past the first two rows of seats, because of the blinding lights.

"Thank you, everyone!" she told the crowd. "Thanks for coming to the show tonight!" The crowd erupted again as the cast left, and the crew moved the wall and set up the cameras.

As he watched the show, Xander unexpectedly found himself enjoying watching the episode being taped. (Thanks again, Lorne. This is probably just what I needed...)

It was a typical sitcom plot. The main female lead (Cordelia) unexpectedly had two dates, and tried to go on both of them on the same night without getting caught. And it was also rather amusing to watch, as Cordelia and Carol Wright kept flubbing their lines during one of the end scenes...

---

After the taping was over, Xander though about leaving. But deciding to avoid the crowds, he waited along with a few others at the bottom of the audience bleachers to see Cordelia when she came out.

"Hey, where did Chuck go?" one of the girls asked.

"It's fairly obvious," Xander told her.

The girls spun around, and were horrified to see that the lunatic from before was now up close and within their personal space. "What do you mean?" one asked, as they edged away.

"Think about it for a second," Xander told her slowly. "When Cordelia comes out and has no clue who the hell he is, he knows he isn't going to get any action from you or your two friends here. Plus, there's always the chance I would have been waiting for him, outside the building-"

"You think he was lying to us to get laid?" another one of them asked. "No way!"

"Yes, way!" Xander replied in a mocking tone. "Trust me, you guys would have fit in real well with the rest of Cordy's sheep, back when we were in high school. Besides, some guys will say they only have two nights to live if it'll get 'em laid..."

"Oh, but you're totally different," the third girl scoffed at him. "You're Mr. Nice Guy?"

Xander just shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I've never been that hard up for a date."

---

**Backstage of "Cordy"**

Cordelia Chase, TV star and former rich princess, was now dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white blouse with her hair in a ponytail. As she walked down behind the apartment set, the man named Elliott Simms called out to her as he was leaving. "Great show, Cordy!"

"Thanks, you too!" the brunette called back, as she turned to wave to him. When she turned back her assistant, Nev, was standing by her side with his trusty PDA. "Okay. There are stars, and there are stars, and then there is you!"

Cordy smiled at his little suck-up. "God - that is sweet, Nev. Am I paying you enough?"

"Well, as a matter of fact..."

"Good," Cordy said, cutting him off. "What's cooking?"

Nev quickly checked his PDA. "Okay. You got a costume fitting. The producers want to run some ideas past you, for next week's show-"

They reached the bleachers, and started at the far end for her adoring fans. Cordy took a pen and pad from one of the frat guys and said, "Hi, how are you? What's your name?"

"Uh... Phil," the frat guy stammered out.

As Cordy signed the pad, the guy couldn't seem to move, and could barely accept the items back from her when she was done. His buddies just patted their star-struck friend on the back, while wishing they'd remembered to bring their copies of the 'Cordelia' issue of Maxim...

Nev talked, as Cordelia quickly went through the line of fans wanting autographs. "You wanted to record that breast cancer PSA, but tomorrow is pretty thoroughly booked. Maybe next week-?"

"No, make it tomorrow," Cordelia told him, as she leaned her head in towards a fan as another snapped a quick picture. "I wanna get it on the air, already..."

A few rows up, the three teen girls were heading for the exit when one of them stopped. "Hold up..."

"Why?" another one asked. "We don't have a camera, so we can't get a photo-"

"No," the first one said. "Look, the creepy lunatic is still around!"

The other two looked, and indeed Xander was still there. He was at the end of the row of fans, leaning against the wall with his eye closed. "You guys want to watch him get tossed by security?"

"Oh yeah..." the first girl said with a grin.

"Thanks for coming," Cordelia said to the last group. "Hope you enjoyed the show..." She then trailed off, as a look of absolute shock and horror hit her face - from recognizing someone from her past. "Oh my God! Xander?"

Everyone watched, stunned, as the TV star jumped over the railing and hugged the fan at the end of the bleachers. When she jumped back again Cordy looked to the security guys, "Don't worry, he's okay!"

They nodded and backed off, as Cordy dragged Xander came down the stairs to the studio floor. "You big dweeb!" she told him. "What the hell happened to your eye?"

Before he could answer Cordy added, "And why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight? I could have gotten you backstage! Of all the boneheaded..."

As the pair walked away, the three girls watched - very surprised. "Huh," one of them said. "I guess Creepy Guy really does know her-"

"Uh, you think then - that everything else he told us...was true?" asked another.

The trio looked at each other, before instantly sprinting for the front door.

---

**Cordelia's Dressing Room**

**A short while later**

The former couple came in, after Cordelia sent Nev to see what time the producers wanted to talk to her. "My God, Xander," she told him, as they sat down on the couch. "I see on the news a few weeks ago that the good ol' hometown vanished into a hole in the ground - and I can't get a hold of anyone! And then you show up with an eye patch...what the hell really happened in Sunnyhell?"

"Oh, the normal stuff, if you can remember that far back," Harris said with a sigh. "The First Evil took out a lot of the Watchers and the potential Slayers..."

"The who took out the what?"

"Okay, try to remember. Senior year, I think I told you about the First Evil? The thing that tried to get Angel to off himself, during Christmas?" Xander told her.

She thought for a long moment. "Wait, I...you mean that thing with all the ghosts of the people he'd killed?"

"Yeah," Xander replied. "Well, it came back and brought an entire army of uber-vampires with it. It wanted to end the world..."

"Like they always do!" Cordelia sighed, remembering clearly her years up north. And they were not happy memories, either. In fact - most days, she repressed that she'd ever lived anywhere except LA, the humiliations and setbacks still too hard to deal with.

"Right," Xander agreed. "The First, however, also went after the Watchers Council and the potential Slayers, kind of wanted to make sure no one picked up after Buffy and Faith was taken out." When Cordelia's clueless look stayed, Xander added, "You remember how Kendra was said to have been taken from her family, to be raised by the Council?"

"Uh, very little," the Hollywood star replied. (And it's not like I WANT to remember, either!)

"Well, trust me, she was. Turns out the Watchers had a lot of young girls in their care that could maybe be Slayers one day," he told her. "The First killed the ones that the Council thought could be the next Slayer. Then it went after the ones that Giles had sent to Sunnydale."

"Big battle?" Cordy asked. "Lots of death?"

"Oh, big time on both accounts," Xander answered, the nightmare of Anya's death making him lower his head. "Plus, during the battle Willow did a spell that activated all the potentials world-wide."

"Activated?" Cordy asked. "You mean, what?"

"Buffy and Faith aren't the only Chosen Ones now," he said. "There are a lot of Slayers out there, these days."

"Well, joy to the world!" Cordy said in her typical fashion, as she leaned into the cushions. "As long as they're not all psychos like Faith - then it's a good thing right?"

"Believe it or not, Faith has mellowed a lot," Xander told her, as there was a knock on the door. "She's one of the good guys again, too."

Snorting Cordelia opened the door, to see Nev standing there. "They say the fitting shouldn't take long, and the producers would like to talk to you now."

"Okay, I'm coming," Cordy told her assistant. "Xander? I should be done in an hour, you want to wait for me?"

"Sure. Haven't got any other plans for tonight."

"Good," she told him. "And when I come back, you're telling me what the hell happened to your eye!" She turned to Nev, "Can you talk to security, get him a pass?"

"Right away," Nev said, as he went to conference with the right people.

"Just sit tight here till he gets back with your pass, alright?" Cordy told her ex. "Security gets grumpy if you don't have one around here."

"As you wish," Harris said, as he leaned into the couch. He closed his eye again and started to meditate, as Cordelia marched out.

---

**Angel's office, Wolfram & Hart**

**The next day, 2:45 pm**

"Where the hell is Xander? Has anyone heard from him?" Buffy demanded from the others.

"No," Gunn said from his chair, disliking both her attitude and the Slayer personally. "Haven't seen your boy since yesterday morning."

"He's not my-" Buffy cut herself off.

"Robin and I haven't seen him either," Faith said from her spot, trying to keep the peace.

"Oh! Lorne said he gave him a ticket to a TV show taping last night," Fred said, as she came in the office.

"Really?" Buffy remarked. "Did he say which one?"

"No," Fred replied. "Lorne's been out of the office all day. I only just caught him on his cell for a moment, before he went into a meeting about some demonic boy band-"

"Hey. Heard you guys were looking for me?" Xander Harris asked, as he came into the office.

"We were worried! We haven't heard from you at all since yesterday..." Buffy said, trying not to sound to condemning - but failing miserably.

"Why's that a problem?" Xander asked. "I wasn't aware that this was a prison. And you don't think I can handle one night in LA on my own?"

"Of course you can!" Buffy said quickly. "It's just - I wanted to keep a close eye on everyone, for the moment."

"Plus, you're almost late for to be prepared for your surgery," Angel commented.

"Hey, trust me Dead Boy," Xander said at once. "There's no way I was ever going to miss getting my eye grown back..." He looked at Buffy and Faith, as he sat on the arm of the chair Gunn was sitting in. "But before we get into that, I have to tell you guys something."

"Something happen last night?" Faith asked him.

"Yeah, sorta," Xander said. "Thing is, I went and saw Cordy's show get taped live-"

"Wait, you went and saw Wes's old girlfriend's show?" Gunn asked. "Man, but that girl is hot! Makes the little general wanna stand up and salute, if ya know what I mean..."

Xander just shook his head, at hearing for the second time how Cordy was Wesley's old girlfriend. "Well, anyway, I hooked up with her after the show and we went out to eat at some restaurant - one that I had to get a jacket for, to even be seated in..." He didn't know how this idea was going to go down with these people. "Turns out one of her assistants is leaving at the end of the month, for a job with a talent agent. And she asked if I would be interested in taking over, after he leaves."

"You want to stay here in LA?" Buffy asked, trying to hide her inner joy. (I just knew he could have a normal life!)

Xander just shrugged. "Guess so, for a while anyway. And no need to sound all excited about putting me out to pasture again, Buffy."

"Boy toy?" Faith asked with smirk, as Buffy's face went red with embarrassment. "You really ditching us to go hang with the TV stars?"

Xander returned her smirk. "Well, she asked. And I never could turn down a beautiful woman; remember that night in your hotel room?"

This time Faith's cheeks went scarlet, as Robin stared at her curiously. "So, you're going to stay for sure?" Buffy asked, trying hard as hell to sound neutral.

"Yeah, what the hell," Xander said, easily telling that Buffy was happy. "Cordy's heading to New York Sunday night, to rehearse for a week. It's her second time hosting SNL, actually. If I feel okay after the surgery today, I can grab a seat on the NBC plane ride tomorrow night..."

Buffy Summers was silently ecstatic. (At last! Finally, something good has come out of all this...)

---

**London, England**

**Fourteen months later…**

Dawn sat with Vi, Kennedy and several new Slayers as they filled the TV room. They were taking full advantage of the Council's large satellite dishes out the back, that could pick up a lot of shows and networks from all over the world. Dawn and many of the American Slayers loved it that they were able to see their favorite shows from the States, without having to watch Sky or BBC2 or whatever.

While they were waiting for the next new episode of the FOX series 24, they sat watching the E! Gossip show.

"…sources tell E! that Brad and Jennifer's marriage is going great, and that there's no truth to the rumor that they might be splitting up," the perky young blond host said.

She was standing next to the large screen, showing the two stars' faces. The show's host then turned slightly, as another camera showed her off to the side. Instantly, a large superimposed image of Cordelia Chase appeared at the top of the screen.

"And in other news, a close friend says that the mystery man that has been seen with Cordelia Chase lately..."

A clip of Xander and Cordelia walking and talking down the red carpet at the Golden Globes was shown. "…is her old high school ex-boyfriend, Alexander Harris. Representatives for Cordelia have previously stated that the star hired him to be her new assistant last year, after her last one departed. And apparently, while during high school they were a couple, now they're only close friends..."

The host smiled as she came back on the screen. "Cordelia herself is unavailable for comment, but her old friend Laura Prepon from 'That's 70'Show', had this to say…"

A clip of Laura at a FOX press junket was put on screen. "Oh, please, they're just good friends," the redheaded actress said with a shrug. "Some people simply need to get their minds out of the gutter, there's nothing romantic going on with Cordy and her ex!"

Linda, a young American Slayer, turned to Dawn. "Hey, why don't you call that Xander guy, and find out what's really going on?"

"Because like Laura said, nothing IS going on," Dawn said with a shrug of her own. "If Xander was dating anyone, Willow and I would know about it."

Marcie, another Slayer, asked, "So - what about that report in the 'Sun' that said they were acting very affectionate with one another last month, while out at a restaurant?"

"Oh, come on! You're paying attention to what's printed in the tabloids now? They're just friends, you guys!" Dawn said firmly. "I know! End of story!"

---

**NBC Studios, Los Angeles, CA**

**The main set of "Cordy"**

"And that's a wrap for tonight, everyone!" the director said. "Good rehearsal, I'll see you all here on Thursday for the final shoot!"

The cast and crew started to leave. "So what did you think, Xander?" Cordelia asked, as they walked off the set.

Xander followed her towards the exit. "It was okay, but the jokes seemed a bit flat. Watered down, maybe."

"I know..." Cordelia groaned. "I will NEVER understand why we have to have the 'Will & Grace' writers write our part of the crossover! They don't know our characters!"

"Mark's trying to get them to let our guys retouch it," Xander told her with a shrug, as they walked towards the row of TV star trailers.

"Well, tell him to call in some favors or whatever if he has to, but make sure someone does something about it!" Cordelia grumbled. "The network's going all out at promoting the stupid crossover, so it may as well be done right!"

"Gotcha, Cor. Anyhow, Peter told me to tell you that either way, we'll know by the end of the day tomorrow," Xander said as he held the trailer door open for her.

However, the talking stopped as soon as they both were in Cordelia's trailer. And to Xander's semi-surprise, the TV star grabbed him into a passionate kiss as soon as the door had completely shut. Something she did when ever she was upset about something with her show, which she couldn't control. She told him it took her mind off of the idiots at the studio.

So forgetting about everything else, Xander returned the kiss whole-heartedly as they fell together onto the leather couch.

The thing was that a few months after Xander had started working for Ms. Chase, the two had gotten into one of their old arguments. And as with how they'd first gotten together in 1997, after viciously screaming insults at each other - they'd started massively making out. Though this time, it had ended in sex rather than running from Norman the Bug Man...

Another key difference was that neither of them wanted a formal relationship at the moment, for many reasons. Cordy was much too busy with her career, and Xander was still hurting over Anya.

So they'd decided to stay at where they'd been, back in the school's janitor closets. Apart from the sex of course, which could possibly become a complication later on, but right now the 'friends with benefits' deal worked great for them. Someday it might or might not become more, but that was still a long way off.

And they had very wisely decided to keep it all to themselves. The only other person that knew about it was Cordelia's best friend, Laura. And she was not saying a word to anyone. As they did live in Hollywood, rumors abounded about everything. Rumors about everything and everyone that Cordelia knew, were constantly tossed around by the supermarket tabloids...

Hell, before Xander had entered the picture - the tabloids had linked Cordelia and her costar from her first movie, 'Hard Kill' as a couple. Even if the guy was already married, with three kids! But as always in Tinseltown, you just had to go with the flow. And so Cordelia let her publicist and others endlessly keep denying the rumors about her and Xander.

It was free publicity, after all.

THE END


	2. Baby Love

**Title:** Baby Love

**By:** Nodakskip

**Beta by:** Theo

**Rated:** PG 13 if that.

**Disclaimer: **All Buffy/Angel belong to FOX & its bumbling sidekick Joss.

**Category: **Buffy/Angel Crossover

**Summary:** A weird fic that is my take on one of the popular themes that have been done a lot on FF Net in the last few years.

---

**Los Angeles, California**

**January, 2002**

Xander Harris waited, while Cordelia used his cell phone to call in her vision to the vampire Champion called Angel.

It had been several months since he'd left Sunnydale, a.k.a. the Hellmouth. Harris had gone on a new voyage of discovery - after his life reached a...a turning point, of sorts.

Anya had decided that while he was a Viking in bed, he did not have the potential to make her lots of money. That in and of itself wouldn't have been so bad, but the building his crew had been working on had been finished - and the bidding for the next job had gotten stuck in bureaucratic hell.

So Xander had ended up without a job, the key thing needed to keep Anya happy as it turned out. They'd had a huge fight about it, with her accusing him of getting cold feet about their upcoming marriage - and him accusing her of never being able to stop threatening him, with her demon past...

In the end, Anya had thrown his ring back at him and told Xander they were through. He did have some money stored up, and after he'd found himself to be pushed so far on the outs with the Slay-gang that even SPIKE knew more than him about what was happening lately - the carpenter had simply hit the road, and not looked back.

"Thanks for waiting," Cordelia said, as she returned his phone and Xander snapped back to reality. "At least this vision didn't hurt that much!"

"No problem..." He gave her a look. "You need to go in?"

"Hell, no!" Cordy said quickly. "My entire life is that damn office! So I like doing non-demon-y things, every now and then!" (And I want to enjoy my life while I still can,) she thought pessimistically, as Cordy walked to the driver's side of her jeep. "Well, now that we've had dinner, any ideas on the movie?"

"Not sure what's come out in the last-" Xander started to say, before they both heard a scream in an alley across the street.

----

**Unknown heavenly dimension**

**One day later**

The Powers That Be, contrary to popular rumor, manifest similarly in their pan-dimensional reality as we do in ours. And at that moment the female Power named Julien sat observing the earthly plane tiredly, while she skimmed the scrolls of what was to come. When she came to one item, that was something she couldn't believe that she was reading. "This can't right!"

"Mistress?" one of the Powers' underlings asked at her outburst.

"This scroll!" Julien said, getting upset. "It says that Jasmine will be reborn on Earth soon!"

"Jasmine?" the servant asked, confused - having never heard the name before.

"I meant..." An unpronounceable whistling, windy sound issued from her mouth. "Jasmine is what the humans will call her, anyway," the Power added. "It's that no-good piece of trash that we exiled ages ago, to that damned insect world!"

Understanding still eluded the lesser being. "I thought she was never to be allowed to return to Earth? She almost destroyed it, the last time."

"I know! How could my husband have missed this?" Julien asked, amazed. "Jasmine must not be allowed to come to being!"

"Whatever Mistress wants," the servant responded. Inwardly, he was just glad she had found something to occupy her time. For he had been instructed by her mate, to keep her occupied. Lord Ternar did not want his wife interrupting the 'guy' trip to the dimension of heavenly pleasures, AGAIN.

"I'll just bet this is all that lowlife Belinus's idea!" Julien suddenly said, as she thought about her husband's leech of a best friend. "He was involved with that Jasmine bitch, the last time she was on the human plane…"

Before she could speculate more on her nemesis, one of the new Oracles appeared. "Forgive the intrusion," the multi-colored male said as he bowed his head.

"Yes, yes, what do you want?" Julien asked him impatiently.

"Your ensouled vampire Champion has come to mine and my sister's domain," the brother Oracle responded. "He begs an audience, with you and yours."

"My husband made it clear long ago, that the half-demon seer would not be brought back to that particular lower being," Julien said with a sigh.

"He has not come regarding his old seer," the Oracle said. "It is a fact that his new seer is performing satisfactorily-"

Suddenly, Julien actually found this interesting. "His new seer? The human female called Cordelia?" she asked, recalling the scroll she'd just read.

"Yes," the Oracle humbly told her.

(Hmmmmm. Maybe I can use this,) the female Power thought. (Many things for Jasmine's arrival have been put in place. But there must still be a way to stop it...)

---

**The new domain of the Oracles, Los Angeles**

**A few moments later**

Angel stood waiting, with the new replacement female Oracle. "So, were you related to the last two…?" he asked, trying to make small talk.

"Yes," the female in the toga answered. "They were my kin."

"You're siblings?"

"Not in the way you would understand it, lower being," was the calm reply.

Angel might have pressed further but in a flash of light, Cordelia and the bed the hurt Xander lay on appeared. "Cordy?" he asked at once, going over to his friend and seer. "What are you two doing here?"

"Don't ask me," the long-haired woman said, as she checked her feverish ex-boyfriend.

"You are here, because we have agreed to help you," said the male Oracle, as he reappeared next to his sister.

"You will?" Cordelia asked, very happy. "Well, thank God! So just-"

"He will not be with you today," another female voice spoke from nowhere. "Will I do?"

"Ah… hello?" Angel said, looking around.

A tall, curly-haired blond woman appeared in a very ornate toga. "Greetings, lower beings. And know that I have decided to aid your friend."

"And, you are?" Angel asked, not liking the fact that he didn't know the woman Xander's life might be hanging on.

"I am one of the Powers That Be," she told him regally. "And that is all you need to know."

"You can heal Xander?" Cordelia asked. And a quieter voice she asked, "And maybe me?"

"You?" Angel demanded, turning sharply to his friend. "Why do you need to be-"

"Because, Champion," Julien said cutting off his question. "The visions have been slowly destroying her brain, over the last two years."

"WHAT!" Angel roared.

"Be silent, in the presence of your betters!" Julien said cuttingly, at Angel's outburst. "She knew there was no way for earthen magic to heal her, so she vowed to help until she could do so no longer. She is a Champion for it, as you are." She looked at Xander on the bed. "As is he, in his own way."

Julien kept looking at Xander, who was shaking slightly in his fever delirium. "The caster of the curse is dead?" she asked.

"Ah, yeah," Cordelia replied, avoiding Angel's gaze. "Xander was able to take him out, but only after he did the magic mumbo-jumbo-"

"Then you have a problem."

"What kind?" Cordy demanded.

Julien slowly walked around the bed in the center of the large temple. "If your enemy was still among the living, I could undo the curse with a merely a thought. But now? It cannot be undone, with his shade in the pits of Hell..."

She stopped moving when she came around again to Cordelia. Looking the human woman in the eyes, she said, "There is one way. I may not be able to remove the curse, but I can get around it."

"How?" Angel and Cordelia asked at the same time.

"Be warned from the outset. It will require a great sacrifice on your part, seer," the Power told the human. "Only you can get your friend through this."

Cordelia looked back at Angel for a moment, before she sighed, "Of course it'll require pain, sacrifice and all that crap. That's how our lives work!" She looked at the bed, as Xander started to convulse a little. "It's going to be major, isn't it?"

"Yes," was the Power's reply. "Your life will not be the same."

Cordelia sighed heavily. "Well, I know that despite all the bad stuff between us… Xander would do whatever it took to keep ME alive. I just hope he knows that I'd do the same for him..."

"Do not ever doubt it," Julien said with pompous grandeur. "You are both Champions, after all."

---

**The Hyperion Hotel, Los Angeles**

**Two and a half weeks later**

"Hello?"

Wesley and Angel came out of the office at the sound of the familiar voice. "Hello, Buffy..." Angel said softly and then stopped.

His eyes instantly went wide, as he smelled something very familiar. Both from Buffy, and elsewhere.

Angel's gaze finally settled on his grandchilde. "Spike," he spat with cold hatred. "Why are you here?"

"Oh, come on mate!" Spike laughed. "Can't I come 'n see how my magnificent poof of a sire is doing, every once in a while?"

"Why is he here?" Wesley asked the Slayer and the redheaded witch, for Willow Rosenberg was also present. And the fact was the former Watcher had no love for the other vampire, either.

"He insisted on coming," Buffy shrugged. With a look to Angel she asked, "So. Will you two be able to play nice?"

"And THAT'S why he's really here," Angel said, annoyed. "He knew I wouldn't dust him, because you were sure to ask me not to. And he wants to rub my face in it."

"Hey, now!" Spike said, amused, as he threw up his hands. "I'm just 'ere to meet the new member of the family, is all. Little Conner is my kin as well, ya know. He's got a bit of me swimming around in his veins-"

"There is nothing of you within Conner," Angel said very harshly. "And just for the record. Go within 10 paces of him - and chip or not, Buffy or not, I'll stake you myself..."

"All that aside, Conner is not here right now," Wesley said, as the two vampires stared each other down. "Fred and Gunn are watching over him."

"Okay," Buffy said. "Then what's the what? End of the world?"

"No," Wesley told her, as he motioned to the two couches nearby. "If you please?"

The two female Scooby gang members sat down normally. Spike just leaned on the arm of the couch. "We called you here," Wesley started. "To inform you of something."

"Fire away," Buffy said simply, as she sat back on the couch cushions.

Angel sat across from her. "Thing is, Xander's been in town recently. For quite a while too, to be honest."

"He has!" Willow said happily, having missed her friend. "Is he here now? Can I see him?"

"Yes," Angel answered. "However, before he comes out, I've got to tell you - there was...an incident."

Spike started to chuckle. "Old Droopy Boy got stuck 'imself in another mess, did he?"

"What Xander did was actually very brave, I'll have you know!" Wesley scolded the blond vampire.

"Don't tell me. He jumped into a fight without thinking and got himself hurt, didn't he?" Buffy asked with a groan.

"Buffy," Angel said sternly. "Xander's not the hindrance you seem to think he is. Never has been, never will be-"

"Oh, come on Angel!" Buffy said in annoyance, as she sat up straight. "He's a great guy, yeah - but he can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag! He should just stay out of this sorta thing!"

"Hey!" Willow called out. "Come on, he's not that bad Buff!"

Angel just looked to his former girlfriend. "Has sleeping with Spike really changed your attitude about him that much, Buffy?"

There was a terrible, ghastly silence. Then Willow and Wesley, who were both unable to believe it, started bombarding the room with loud exclamations...

Angel put his fingers between his teeth and let out a loud whistle. "Enough!" He then gestured to Willow. "You both get one question, and that's it. Ladies first."

The redhead looked freaked, as her best friend cringed at her expression. Spike just smiled though, having nothing to hide or feel ashamed about. "It's true? And if so, how long?" the witch finally asked.

"Yeah. And a month, nearly two," Buffy answered dully.

Wesley just shook his head. "Why?"

The Slayer shook her head. "You wouldn't understand it. No one who hasn't been torn out of Heaven could."

There was another uncomfortable silence, before Spike of all people changed the subject. "Well, anyway, we were discussin' the Donut Boy - weren't we?"

"Yeah. And let me just say if he wasn't a good fighter when it counts, Buffy, then how was he able to stay alive when the Anointed One had everyone else kidnapped? I fought side by side with him to free Willow and the others, back then. And the fact that even Angelus backed off from fighting him twice, should tell you something-" Angel said

"And let's not forget the time he stopped those zombies from blowing the Hellmouth open, with that bomb," Wesley said from his spot.

"Oh, please!" Spike snorted. "Don't tell me you actually believe that bloody cock 'n bull story?"

"Over anything that you would ever say, yes," Wesley replied coldly.

"You got a problem with me, Percy?"

"Tell me, Spike, does Vienna during 1963 ring any bells for you?" When the vampire shrugged, the British man added, "You were slaughtering people at an orphanage then, when a team of Watchers led by my father found you. You killed two of his squad members, before you escaped - and the funny thing is, I went through the Watcher academy with the sons of those men. Granted, we're not close or anything, but I can't help wondering what they'd do - if I rang them up, and told them where the killer of their fathers is based nowadays..."

"You wouldn't 'ave the stones to do that," Spike said at once, but with less certainty than he would have liked.

Wesley took off his glasses. "And the downside would be what, exactly?"

"Shut up, both of you!" Willow suddenly yelled. "Angel, just tell us what happened with Xander. Everyone else can make insulting comments later!" She looked at Buffy and added, "When I'm not there to hear it!" The Slayer looked at her in slight surprise; she'd thought her redheaded friend shared her views about this.

"Alright," the Champion started. "The thing is, about two and a half weeks ago Xander and Cordelia were leaving a restaurant - when they heard a scream in an alley. A demon warlock was attacking a young teenage couple-"

"The young woman had rejected the demon's advances, as it were," Wesley added.

Angel nodded. "So, the demon tried to kill the boyfriend in a very painful way. It cast a curse on him, however Xander was able to knock the boy out of the way in time."

"It hit Xander, didn't it?" Willow demanded. "The curse… it nailed him instead!"

"Yeah," Angel responded. "He was able to kill the demon, unfortunately, and it wasn't till they got back here that the curse start to take effect."

"What kind of curse was it?" Buffy asked, not really wanting to know. She already knew it was bad, or the Fang Gang wouldn't have called them here to LA.

"We don't know the name of it," Wesley said. "We just discovered what it did."

"And that would be?" Buffy pressed.

"Keep in mind, the curse was meant to be cast against the boyfriend of the girl that the demon desired," Angel said. "Basically, it works on males that have - gone through puberty."

"Oy! You're saying it hurt his little…" Spike said, with a large grin as he held up his pinky finger.

Angel ignored his grandchilde. "It would have killed him within a few days. And those particular magicks haven't been used in so long, that no one we knew had any idea how even to treat it. Let alone, cure it."

"Xander's dying!" Willow asked, horrifed.

"He was," Wesley said. "Until we sought help from the Powers That Be."

"The people that Cordy gets visions from?" the Slayer asked.

"Doesn't matter," Willow said quickly, after Buffy's question. "Did they save Xander?"

"In a way," Wesley replied uneasily.

"In a way?" Willow yelled at him. "What the hell does that mean?"

The ex-Watcher just pulled a small short-range walkie-talkie from his pocket. "Cordelia," he said into it. "We're ready for you now."

After just a few moments, the doors to the hotel's outdoor garden opened, and Cordelia walked in carrying something in her arms. The Sunnydale trio watched, as she wordlessly came over and sat next to Angel.

When she repositioned the bundle in her arms to show what she had, Buffy looked at Angel in complete confusion. "I thought you said Connor wasn't here today?"

"That's not Connor," Angel said gently. While Cordelia just spoke bluntly, "This is Xander."

Not a word was spoken, for a full minute and a half… before Spike almost fell down laughing. "Oh bleedin' heck, this is too bloody good for words! I musta been staked, and gone to vampire Heaven!"

Not taking her eyes off the baby in Cordelia's arms, Buffy spoke harshly. "Spike, shut up right now. Or I'll oblige and stake you myself!"

The blond vampire looked at her, still amused, but as he saw the look on her face -William the Bloody quickly shut up. "Right then, this is serious..."

Willow came over, and bent down in front of Cordy and the baby. "That's… it's… you mean, that's really Xander?" she finally got out.

"Yeah..." Cordelia told her. She looked down to the baby. "Oh yeah, you're my little Xander aren't you?" she cooed. "Yes you are! Yes you are!"

Willow reeled back in shock at that, almost so that she nearly fell on her rear. "Why are you talking to him like that?"

"What, am I supposed to yell at him?" Cordelia scoffed. "I mean, do I look like a drunken Jessica Harris to you?"

"What is going on here!" Buffy demanded.

"They don't know? Tell them everything, Angel!" Cordelia commanded, as she started to play with Baby Xander.

"Well, you see…" Angel started to say. "Okay, the curse would have slaughtered anyone male, that had gone through puberty. And the only way to prevent it killing him, was to revert him back to this…"

"Well, revert him back! This is ridiculous!" Willow demanded.

Cordelia hugged Xander tight at that suggestion. "Are you nuts? I'm not gonna let you kill him that way!"

"Well, I-I-I didn't say kill him!" Willow said, upset. "Just revert him back, now that the curse has dissipated!"

"Willow, you obviously don't get it. Those magicks are still in place, the curse hasn't gone anywhere," Wesley told the young witch. "In fact, that particular death mark could stay active on Xander for years, we have no way to tell. At least this way… he lives."

"Lives?" Willow yelled. "You call this living?"

"Keep it down!" Cordelia hissed at her. "You're upsetting him!"

The seer then gently rocked the baby in her arms. "Hey, it's okay Xander. It's all right, mommy's here..."

"Mommy?" Buffy and Willow yelled at once, causing Baby Xander to cry a little.

"I already told you two, shut your holes!" An upset Cordelia got up, and carried Xander over to the round couch in the middle of the lobby. She glared at Angel and Wesley, "Now finish telling them already!"

Angel decided to simply go for broke. "The Power that we met reverted Xander back to day one. Or rather, a week before that." Before Willow could demanded to know what that meant, he kept going. "Cordelia was impregnated with Xander… and gave birth to him in the hospital, last week. And as you can see, mother and child have...bonded."

"Oh my God!" Buffy whispered as Willow could only blink, a blank expression on her face.

Wesley took over the story. "No one knew the truth, of course, and thus as soon as the birth certificate was filed - Cordelia was automatically made Xander's guardian. She is technically his mother, after all. And in the eyes of the law, the older version of Xander Harris is now missing, presumed dead."

"Mother?" Willow managed to eek out.

Cordelia spoke, as she adjusted the blanket little Xander was wrapped up in. "That's right. He's now Alexander Noah Chase." Thinking it might be asked, the new mother added, "He always hated the name Lavelle."

"This is just..." Buffy tried to say, as she was still in the grip of shock. Willow didn't seem to even be breathing at this point, but Spike was still just all smiles and happy faces.

"Bottom line, there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it," Angel told them with a pseudo-sigh. "Xander's just going to have to live here, and grow up with Connor."

"Yeah, and you're just going to love playing with your older cousin, aren't you?" Cordelia said teasingly, as she let Baby Xander try to grip her finger. "And now that Mommy's little brain trouble has been fixed, we'll all be one big happy family, won't we?"

As if in answer, the baby Xander giggled a little.

---

**The realm of the Powers That Be**

**The same time**

"What in the name of all that is good and holy is this?"

Ternar looked towards his friend. "What upsets you so, Belinus?"

The upset Power held up the scroll that he was reading. "It's changed! Jasmine's birth mother-to-be has had a child already!"

"How can that be?" Ternar asked, amazed, as he looked over the scroll.

"I do not know. But this is not right!" Belinus said, very upset. "The Cordelia human was created to be host for Jasmine... but in a very specific way. She had to be the firstborn! And now, the plan is ruined!"

"Someone must have changed things," Ternar surmised. "That is the only answer. It even says here that the demon Sahjhan will no longer be involved with that human..."

"Who could have done this?" Belinus demanded to know.

The other Powers nearby all shook their heads, all except one. "I had some free time to take care of that Sahjhan character, days ago."

"It was YOU?" Belinus yelled in shock. "But why would you change that which was preordained!"

"You know why!" Julien said hotly. "Jasmine was banished, never to return… ever! An opportunity arose to make sure that would remain the case, and so I took it." As she sat in her place in the Great Hall, she shrugged. "And for the record, had the humans looked harder - they would have found a cure for that curse. But this way… I get what I want."

Belinus looked to his old friend. "Lord Ternar, surely you cannot permit this transgression to remain-"

Julien just laughed, as Ternar got that 'deer in headlights' look that all males got - when asked to pick between their wives, and their best friends.

In any case, the female Power wasn't worried. She knew that her husband would never want to sleep on the cosmic equivalent of a couch, for the rest of eternity...

---

**The Hyperion Hotel**

**Some time later…**

Buffy sat by herself on the round couch, as she tried to get the new information she'd learned today to be fully accepted by her brain. She wasn't having much luck, when Willow came storming down the stairs - looking very freaked out.

"Get out of my mind!" Willow was saying to herself, as she rubbed her eyes.

"Willow?" Buffy asked her. "What's wrong… besides the obvious?"

"I… I…" Willow tried to say.

"Deep breaths, Wills," Buffy commanded. "Now, tell me what happened."

"Well, I… I went to talk to Cordelia…" the witch stammered. "I went into her room, and…"

"And what?"

"And she had her top off!" Willow yelled. "She was breast-feeding Xander!"

"Oh, that is just… EWWW!" Buffy gagged.

At that moment Anya came out of the office, where Wesley had just informed her of the news. She had driven to the city after she closed the Magic Box for the day. "What's wrong?" she asked seeing both girls freaking out.

"What's wrong!" Buffy said amazed at Anya's calm tone of voice. "For god sakes, Xander is a little baby! That's what's wrong!"

Anya just shrugged. "I've seen what that kind of curse can do to a male. Wesley is right, this way he lives."

"How can you be so cavalier about this!" Willow demanded of Xander's ex-love.

"There is nothing I can do to change it." Anya said simply. "Xander was a good man, and he will be again. Now is his new mother upstairs?"

"Oh yeah!" Willow said wincing at the image burned into her brain.

"Good." Anya said as she started for the stairs.

"What are you going to talk to her about?" Buffy asked.

"Xander informed me Cordelia lost all her money to those IRS people." Anya replied. "I'm going to help set up a good college fund for my ex. It's never too early." She started to climb the stairs but stopped at the third step. "I wonder…"

"You wonder what?" Willow asked still not liking how easy Anya was taking this.

Anya gave an amused look. "I can be the 'mature' older babysitter that helps him become a man when he is a teenager again."

"What?" Willow asked in shock.

"Oh I admit it will not be years yet till he's re-reaches his sexual peak…" Anya said. "But now one of the role playing games we played in the bedroom can be real!"

Willow just looked at the former demon in shock, while Buffy just shook her head. "Will you please stop talking?"

THE END


	3. The Greatest Love Of All

**Title:** The Greatest Love Of All

**Author:** Nodakskip

**Rating: **PG-13

**Beta by: **Theo

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing related to Buffy and Angel. And I'm poor, so please don't sue me over any of this.

**Author's Notes:** This isn't a Hercules/Xena crossover, although I guess some of the material mentioned could come from those shows. Also this may seem odd, but I like the odd ones. It's no fun if I just add to the countless fics like everyone is in a band on Fanfiction ( dot ) net. AU for Buffy season 3, after 'Amends' but before 'Gingerbread'.

**Summary:** A desperate Greek god, and a pair of scheming Oracles.

---

**Sunnydale High Library, Sunnydale, California**

**Friday, January 8th 1999**

**4:35pm**

"Good Lord!"

Both blonde and red-haired girls that were in the school library heard the Watcher's shout. "Giles!" Buffy Summers called out, as she and Willow Rosenberg ran to the door of the man's private office. "Are you okay?"

Rupert Giles looked up from his paper, and was surprised to see the looks of concern on his pupils' faces. "What?"

"You yelled," Willow stated with a gesture of sorts.

"Oh...OH!" he said with a bit of chagrin. "Terribly sorry..." Giles added, as he got up and took his papers to the main table. "It's only that I've just received the newest email newsletter from the British Museum in London..."

"How does that rate a 'good lord'?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Buffy, he's British. And that's what they do, remember?"

Giles just sighed, and laid the paper down to show the two girls what had caught his attention.

"Oooh, pretty!" Buffy said in delight, as she looked at the picture of the diamond-encrusted gold necklace. The large diamond in the center was what caught both girls' eyes, though.

"Wow," Willow whispered. "That's...27.12 carats? Oh yeah, that's one humongous diamond..."

"The necklace of Aphrodite?" Buffy asked Giles. "Never heard of it."

"If it is the Necklace," Giles told her, "then its worth to the culture of Greece is...well, incalculable."

"Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of love, right?" Willow asked, remembering the information in the Watcher's books from years ago.

"Love, beauty and sexual rapture," Giles told her. "The necklace is a very important piece of her mythology. Again, if it's the real artifact, then it could prove that the gods in some form...really did exist..."

"You mean, other than some crazy blonde lady saying she was a god?" Buffy joked. "No offense Giles, but back in LA, I saw quite a few people who claimed they were God...or Bob Vila, or whoever on the streets!"

"Yes, well, I doubt it will ever be proven now," Giles commented parathenetically. "And you're right, Buffy, several nefarious people back in the olden times were, were con men, and fooled the people to think they were gods or servants of the gods. However, the tests on the Necklace show that the diamonds and the gold are quite real. And it was found near one of Aphrodite's until-recently-lost temples."

"Is there a story behind it?" Willow wondered, thinking this was definitely better than her Spanish homework.

"Quite an interesting one, actually," Giles said, as he sat on the table edge. "Legend says that there was once a battle for control of Mount Olympus. Possibly with the Titans, but either way - during the battle, Aphrodite was badly hurt. Now since those so-called gods weren't mortal people, they-they couldn't do as we would and just go see a doctor. Even though they took human form, they were theoretically based on, well, different sorts of energy."

"Energy?" Buffy asked, not getting it.

"Yes," Giles explained. "As I said - she was the goddess of love, beauty and sexual rapture. For every couple that was in love, or shared in the act of sexual pleasure...it, it gave her strength. And so to help her recover from her terrible wounds a more direct supply of, 'love' if you will, was needed..."

----

**The Chamber of the Oracles, Mount Olympus**

**Over three thousand years ago**

The goddess Artemis held in her hands the Necklace that Hephaestus, husband to Aphrodite, had created. "It has to be done," she told the twin Oracles.

"What you ask-" the female Oracle started.

"-will not be viewed well by those in positions of higher power," the male Oracle finished. "They value the mortals..."

"As do I!" Artemis said.

"When they do not incur your wrath, which is a rather frequent occurrence," the brother stated shortly.

The Greek goddess shook her head. "That matters not for the moment, now I need a mortal couple for this...act. And surely there must be some suitable mortals, somewhere on the face of the Earth?"

"There is one mortal couple that does fit your needs..." the sister said, as she waved her hand over the gazing pool in front of them.

When the image took shape, the three celestial beings watched a pair of young mortals talking. "Their surroundings and dress are unfamiliar to me," Artemis said, as she watched the two young people appear to argue.

"They are from another time," the male Oracle informed her. "Thousands of years into the future."

"Then why show them to me for this?" the goddess demanded.

The female didn't react to Artemis' tone. "Because they can be removed from their time, and brought here for what you need - with no damage to the world as it is now."

Artemis shook her head. "What of the damage to their world and time?"

"Taking them away for what is needed, may in fact save their world and time," the male Oracle said.

Artemis was intrigued. "And how is that?"

"The female is the one to give birth to the Destroyer - that is a rogue member of the Powers That Be."

"The Powers That Be?" Artemis said in disgust. "Even Ares despises them and their tactics!"

The female Oracle again ignored the goddess's outburst. "The couple was destined for greatness, and perhaps the greatest love of all; however the dark forces of the Destroyer separated them, so that-" A whistling, windy noise was heard, "-could be born a few years later and claim the mortal world for herself."

The Greek goddess now felt disgust to the depths of her very core, but shook it off. "If they're broken up," Artemis then asked, "then how could they be what I need?"

"Your sister goddess IS love," the male stated. "When the couple is given to her, her dominion will restore them to each other - and they will then restore her strength, ten-fold."

The Greek deity was in no mood to further argue the point. "Very well," Artemis said shortly, as she left to prepare herself for the journey. "And if they still sleep in the halls of time, here and now? Then I must go to them - at once..."

After the goddess had gone, the two Oracles looked at each other. "You choose a dangerous path, this may alter so many destines..."

"Indeed it may, brother," the female said. "But it will also insure that one day, we are not casualties of Vocah. And that is our only concern, for the moment."

"Agreed," the brother Oracle responded. "Then let us be about our business..."

---

**Sunnydale High parking lot, Sunnydale, California **

** Friday, January 8th 1999**

**4:45 pm**

"Oh, just leave me the hell alone!" Cordelia Chase yelled at Xander Harris. "I gave up everything for you, and you couldn't even keep it in your pants with another girl?"

"Hey!" Xander yelled back at her. "I never had sex with Willow!"

Cordelia spun on him. "Oh, right! I'm just supposed to take your word for it that you didn't sleep with that SLUT, while you spent all those research sessions alone together!"

"You two will indeed be a challenge."

Xander and Cordelia froze mid-argument. Even after their nasty breakup over a month ago, one thing stayed the same. Both hated it when someone else tried to jump into the fray, during one of their insult contests.

"And who the hell are you supposed to be?" Cordelia demanded. Seeing the way that the women was dressed in a flattering outfit, she pointed to Xander. "If you're looking for the town's resident man 'ho, then he's standing right there!"

"Hey!" Xander yelled.

Artemis held up the large wooden box she carried, and silently opened it.

"Wow!" Cordelia said in amazement, despite her still-angry mood. "That's one heck of a..." She didn't get any more out, because the large diamond in the center of the necklace started to glow - and sucked them both into it.

"That was almost too easy," Artemis said with a shrug, as she closed the box and vanished back into the past.

---

**The Chamber of Hephaestus & Aphrodite, Mount Olympus**

**Over three thousand years ago**

Hephaestus looked up from his sickly wife, to see her sister appear holding the box. "Were you able to succeed?"

"Of course, Hephaestus," Artemis told him, as she took out the necklace. "Be at peace. Your wife will soon be restored."

She slipped the mystical necklace around her sister's neck. And when the female deity did so, the large diamond containing the souls of the two fighting teenagers glowed a light red. "Ah, good. Her love has spread to them already; it will not be long before they begin to heal her..."

---

Inside the mystical diamond, all thoughts of terror or hate had quickly left the non-corporeal human couple. For when the overwhelming god power of Aphrodite hit them, their base emotions took hold - and true love was born between them.

"I forgive you Xander, my love," Cordelia said, as she kissed him passionately.

"I love you, and I promise..." Xander said as they came up for air, and he removed his shirt. "I will only have eyes for you - for the rest of my pathetic-ass life..."

"I know..." Cordelia responded, as she started to remove her clothes as well.

Soon, the teen couple had their lust and passion increased in greater amounts, as the mental energy of Aphrodite washed over them. And in turn the energy of their lust, sex and love washed over the wounded goddess - restoring her strength, cleansing her chakra and healing her mystical body.

---

**Sunnydale High Library, Sunnydale, California**

**Friday, January 8th 1999**

**4:52 pm**

Buffy looked at her Watcher, shocked, after he finished the tale regarding the Necklace. "This god's sister sucked a couple of human beings into that thing, to serve as some kinda sex battery?"

"Essentially, yes," Giles responded.

"That sounds awful!" Willow said, upset at the mere thought. "That's like, like a vampire draining the blood from a person! To just suck them dry..."

Giles held up his hand to stop her. "According to the legend, the mortal couple did not even notice the passage of time. For them, it would have seemed like a day or less of sheer pleasure - not pain."

"How long did this chick need that grody love necklace, anyway?" Buffy demanded.

"It varies according to the individual," Giles admitted. "However, m-most accounts say that Aphrodite kept it well beyond the time it took to heal her. Around say, ah, 300 years."

"Three hundred..." Buffy asked, shocked - and not being able to believe it. "You're saying that that couple was in her necklace, and were constantly boinking their brains out - for 300 years?"

"Well, no-" Giles started.

"Thank God!" Buffy said.

"It has been said," Giles finished. "That she gave the necklace to a mortal daughter of one of her high priestesses. Then it was passed down through the women of her temple, for over a thousand years. Before it was lost..."

Giles decided to add some stuff, since the looks on his students' faces were not of the good. "And as I said before, it wouldn't have been more than a day or two for the man and woman in question. If they ever existed, in fact, which is quite a bone of contention in certain circles. Still - the point is that the gods needed their love, and killing them wouldn't have brought about any of that emotion at all."

"So, whatever happened after the couple was released?" Willow wondered.

"I'm honestly not sure," Giles said with a shrug, never having been all that interested in that part of it. "Some say they were so full of love after realizing what had happened, that they never doubted each other again. And that they went on to live full and happy lives, with many children. Uh, I-I-I think some families in that part of the world claim to be their descendants? Again, that is if they ever existed-"

RING, RING

"I'll get it," Willow said, as she got up and went to the counter to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

#We have a ship to shore telephone message from one 'Xander Harris', do you wish to accept the reversed charges?#

"Xander?" Willow asked, not understanding. "Well, I - yeah...yes, I accept..."

#One moment, please,# the operator's voice said, before Xander Harris came on the line. #Hey, Willow!#

"Xander!" she yelled, causing the other two in the room to come over.

"Wil?" Buffy asked.

"Alexander Harris," Willow said, in a voice normally reserved for wayward children. "Where the hell are you?"

---

**The luxury yacht "Atlantis IV"**

**Forty miles off the coast of Greece**

Xander Harris grinned, as he held the phone back at Willow's predictable screech. "Calm down, Wil!" Xander said, as he watched Cordelia stretch in her new black bikini on the deck as she suntanned.

#Calm down?# Willow demanded. #The operator said you were on a ship somewhere! Where are you?#

"Ah, well, exactly? Somewhere in the Mediterranean sea," Harris said, and then flinched as a new yell came.

#WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, ALL THE WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD?#

"I'm on my honeymoon, actually..." Xander said happily.

#HONEYMOON!# the redhead yelled, in a louder voice than Xander had ever thought possible.

"Yeah, see, I just thought I'd give you guys a quick ring and tell you we'll be back, before Buffy's birthday rolls around," he told her. "And if Snyder makes any trouble, tell him we'll explain everything when we get home."

#We?#

"Yeah, me and my wife," Xander told her, very happy. "Sorry you guys couldn't be there for it, but I married Cordelia on the island of Santorini two days ago..."

He was expecting another yell, and one came - but not from Willow. It was Buffy. #Xander! What the hell is going on! Willow just fainted! And what's this about a honeymoon?#

"Long story short, Buff," he filled her in. "Cordy and I tied the knot in Greece a few days ago."

#But that's impossible, Xander!# Buffy said in shock - and horror.

"Why?" Harris asked in perplexity. "Cordy turned 18 two days ago, and my 18th birthday was last week, so I promise you - it's all perfectly legal..."

#No! I meant - I just talked to you here, in the library, last night! So how can you guys have been in another country two days ago?#

"Yeah, I know Buffy, but the thing is-" Harris started to say, but stopped when he saw Cordelia motioning to him. "Sorry Buff, but the wife is calling. I've got to go-" Xander hung up the phone, ignoring her shrill yell in response to that.

He walked out on deck, as his new bride rearranged her towel. "So, honey? How'd they take the news?" Cordelia asked.

"Just like you thought, sweetheart," Xander told her with a sigh. "Willow fainted."

That brought a tiny smile to his wife's lips. "Exactly like Daddy did! Huh..."

Mrs. Harris then reached back and unclipped her bikini top. But despite her magnificent chest the ship's crew hardly noticed, since they were very used to women stripping topless to tan in this business. "Could you please, baby?" Cordy asked, as she handed him the tanning oil.

"Of course," Xander responded. He waited for her to lay back on the large beach towel, before he slowly and lovingly started to rub the oil onto her back.

The day passed quickly, as the ship went around in circles - more or less. But then the passengers on this sort of trip never seemed to care, as the newlywed couples definitely had other things on their minds.

And from what the grizzled old captain could see, this particular couple was no different to any of the rest of them...

---

**Later that evening**

The new Mr. and Mrs. Harris stood on deck at the rear of the yacht, close to the railing and watching the stars. It was the perfect night for it, too, despite it being in the middle of winter here. "What are you thinking?" Xander asked, as he held his beloved tightly.

Cordelia smirked. "That we have school on Monday, and yet neither of us will get a tardy slip or a red mark on our permanent records."

"Well, it is nice to have friends in high places sometimes..." Xander said, before he kissed his woman. Long, slow and lovingly; knowing exactly what she liked, after two days or 300 years together.

"But still, Xander," Cordelia had to say, as oxygen became an issue. "What with everything the Oracles told us...aren't you the least bit concerned?"

"Nope," her husband reassured her. "I mean, so what if your parents have been cheating on their taxes for the last 12 years? You're a legal adult as of two days ago, so the IRS can't touch a thing in the Swiss bank account that's now in your name. And what with everything we got from the temple, before we leaked out the news of its discovery...you won't ever have to worry about money again!"

"I hope so," Cordy mused. "Because I know it's pretty shallow of me...but I don't think I'm cut out to ever live poor, that way."

"You could if you had to," Xander said reassuringly. "I know you, my love. And there's nothing you can't do, if you ever put your mind to it!"

They smooched again, before Cordy leaned her back against Xander's chest as his arms quickly enfolded her. She asked softly, "So, Mr. Harris...any plans for after we graduate high school?"

"Well, Mrs. Harris," he replied with a grin, "I was thinking of asking you to stay with me, for the rest of your life; but that's pretty much already on the cards. So I was thinking, I'd get some sorta job after we graduate; love, honor and cherish you always; and help you raise all the rug rats you wanna have with me..."

Cordelia stiffened, and Xander instantly felt it. "What is it, Cor?"

The young woman prepared herself for saying something that she didn't exactly want to admit. She then turned around and said, "Xander...I don't want to raise our children in Sunnydale. For obvious reasons..."

The married couple looked into each other's eyes, and Xander knew exactly what it was that she wasn't saying. He thought about it and eventually said with a twinge of regret, "Then when the time comes...we'll raise them wherever the hell you want."

Cordy stared at him in momentary surprise, before a look of ecstasy hit her face.

Because for the first time EVER...her husband had put her wishes ahead of his. Or Buffy's, or Willow's.

Cordelia Harris instantly dragged Xander back to their bedroom in the honeymoon suite...and quickly shut the door behind them, as the two young people began a very long and wonderful life together.

The End


	4. Ex post facto

**Title: **Ex post facto

**Author: ** Nodakskip

**Beta Read:** by Theo

**Rating: ** PG-ish

**Disclaimer: **Don't own 'em, and never did. Everything Buffy and Angel-ish belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy, WB and everyone else.

**Summary: **Just read the story.

---

**Ramsey Hotel, Los Angeles, California**

**Wednesday, December 15th, 1999**

Someone was holding her, bound and gagged, while his partner was handling the shop talk. "I'm sure your people will be happy with their purchase."

The black woman in the sharp business ensemble seemed almost bored. "We won't be needing the body. My employers have requested that the eyes be extracted."

At that point, the instincts of the empath demon called Barney - honed from his many years of experience as a used car salesman - kicked in. "Ah, well, an extraction is a very delicate process. We run the risk of damaging the gift. It's going to cost you an extra thousand, at least."

The female lawyer scoffed. "Please! Extraction is always included in the price."

Barney just shook his head. "Not with a seer's eyes."

"I never heard of such a thing!" the woman replied huffily.

"There's never been a thing like this on the market," Barney told her with a shrug. "An extra thousand, or you take her as is."

The lawyer thought for a moment. (The body's good-looking enough for one of the VP's to have some fun with…but then again, the whole 'no eyes' thing would be kind of a turn-off. Plus, then I'd get stuck having to dispose of the remains!) Annoyed, the Wolfram & Hart attorney then told the empath demon, "Fine! Go ahead."

"All right-y then," Barney said, as he rubbed his hands together. He turned to his partner, "Give me the extractor."

The other man, Hank, looked like an upset child as he looked over Cordelia's attractive body. "But - I want to do it. You know that! I've been begging you…"

"Hank!" Barney yelled. "You're embarrassing yourself. Just hand it over."

Hank grumbled as he looked at Cordelia's chest, before he handed the extractor. "Here!" he said, upset. And Barney took the metal instrument that looked like a pair of razor sharp salad tongues, with obvious glee...

Cordy's eyes went wide, as she saw it. She shook her head, and renewed her struggling. But her kidnapper just forced her to sit in a nearby chair, and pulled her head back. "Now, be a good girl and hold still. This will only hurt… a lot," he told her with a cruel smile.

"No!" Cordelia's muffled shout through the gag came, as he moved in.

"Too bad, baby, we could have had some fun…" Barney said, before he suddenly jerked hard - and dropped the metal tool.

"Barney!" Hank yelled as he watched his friend fall to the floor, dead, with a curved blade sticking out of his back.

Relief flooded Cordelia, (Angel!) she thought as she saw the shape of a man in a dark jacket appear in her peripheral vision. However, it was not the vampire with a soul that had rescued her...

"Okay, now this just royally pisses me off!" Xander Harris said, as he walked right past the lawyer and stepped up to Hank. "Hello? This is the point where you start pissing your pants and run away?"

"I'm…I'm not afraid of you!" Hank declared, shaking.

"Fine," Xander told him, as he reached out and impossibly fast, broke the man's neck like a twig. "But you should have been."

"Hey, you okay?" Harris then asked his ex-girlfriend as he removed her gag and restraints.

She just nodded, her eyes misting over with tears as she hugged him tightly. "I am now!"

"Good, well, it's all over," Xander whispered to her. "You're safe now…"

"Excuse me!"

Xander turned to look at the lawyer, and was surprised when it was not fear, but anger that showed on her face as she pointed at Cordy's eyes. "Those are the property of Wolfram & Hart!"

Cordelia cringed as the woman came closer, instinctively moving behind Xander. "You have GOT to be kidding me," Harris scoffed. "Lady, you honestly think you have any claim on her or her eyes?"

"Well, I bought them fair and square!" she fumed.

"You…bought a kidnap victim?" Xander demanded. "What are you, a special needs person?"

"Either hand her over to me now," the woman said menacingly, "or the Senior Partners of Wolfram & Hart will come find her! Preferably over your dead body!"

Xander just looked at her like she was an idiot. "Is that a threat? Look, her visions have nothing to do with her eyes, I'll have you know. She sees them in her mind. Plus, think about it; the Powers That Be wouldn't send her visions if she was under evil control, now, would they? Face it. You screwed up on this one, and good luck on trying to explain it to Evil Incorporated's accountants..."

The male teen turned back to Cordy. "Come on Cor, we're leaving…"

"Like hell you are!" the woman yelled, blocking their path. (Why, you little punk...who do you think you are?)

Xander sighed, as he looked at her. Making up his mind, he quickly uttered a long-lost spell in Latin.

And when he was done, the lawyer's pupils went white. "What did you do to me?" she screamed at him, scrabbling at her face.

"It's a karma spell," Xander replied with a smirk. "As in what goes around, comes around. You wanted to take her eyes…so yours got taken instead. And just so you know, only way to break the curse is by balancing out the scales of your deeds. Meaning, you have to do more good deeds than bad…and personally, I'm guessing you have a very long way to go before you ever reach balance point..."

"No! DAMN YOU-!" the blind woman yelled, starting to lose it as she tried to attack him.

Sighing, Xander just pushed her aside as he and Cordelia left the room.

---

Cordelia was wiping her eyes, as she walked down the large stairs to the street below. "Xander…don't think I'm not happy you showed up…believe me, I am VERY happy! But-"

"But why me and not Angel?" Xander finished her question for her. "And why am I in LA?"

"Well, yeah!" Cordy said as she moved to flag down a taxi, when Xander put his hand on her arm. "I've got a car."

He held out a small remote on his key ring and Cordelia's eyes bulged as the taillights on a brand-new red Dodge Viper convertible flashed. "This is your car?" she demanded of her rescuer.

"Yeah," Harris told her. "Just got it yesterday."

Cordelia looked the car and then him over as well. "Someone's been eating his Wheaties," she mused appreciatively, as they got into the convertible. "Okay, you are SO going to tell me what's going on, mister!"

"I know," Harris told her with a warm smile. "But let's get back to Angel and Wes first. They're going to want to know you're okay and everything."

----

**Angel Investigations, Room 1.03**

**Thirty minutes later**

"Cordy!" Angel cried, as he ran to meet her. "Are you okay? How'd you get away?"

"I'm fine, Angel," Cordelia told her boss warmly. "An old...friend saved me."

"Another old…" Angel started to say, before Xander Harris walked in the door. "Harris?"

"Angel," Xander said succinctly with a nod.

"Thank God. You and Buffy were in town?" Angel asked, jumping to the obvious conclusion in his undead mind.

Xander shook his head, as he and Cordelia took a seat on the old couch. "Nope. Right now she's back in Sunnydale."

"O…kay," Angel said, unsure. "No offense but, uh, how were you able to save Cordelia without Buffy?"

"Why don't you call Wesley up here, and I'll tell you all at once," Xander replied as he leaned back against the couch's frame.

"You know about...?" the vampire asked, before he just nodded. He went over to the door in his office, and called for Wesley to come up.

When the Englishman did, he was very relieved to see Cordelia in one piece. "Cordelia! You're all right..."

Wes trailed off, as he saw Xander. And his attitude quickly changed back to his ridiculous rogue demon hunter mode. "Ah, yes, Mr. Harris. I didn't know that Ms. Summers-"

Xander rolled his eyes. "I CAN do stuff on my own, you know!" He sighed, before he repeated what he told Angel. "Buffy isn't here in town, just me. Besides...she wouldn't have been able to do what needed to be done."

"And that would be?" Angel asked.

"He killed those people who took me," Cordelia said simply. "Not in a very White Knight type of style, either."

Xander turned to her. "If it had been me getting my eyes torn out by a demon…wouldn't you have done the same?"

"Maybe," Cordelia said, but her expression told the 'One Who Sees' that she damn well would have.

"There was more than one demon?" Angel wanted to know, angrily thinking back as to how he had been suckered in by Barney.

"No, there was only one," Xander told him. "The other guy was human."

"And you killed him too?" Wesley asked, not liking that.

"Personally, I don't have a problem with killing the guy holding Cordy down so his friend could do what he almost did," Xander answered.

"But, but he was human," Wesley stated. "You, you could have just turned him over to the police-"

"And said what?" Xander demanded. "'Officer, officer, this man tried to tear out my friend's eyes because she gets visions from the Powers That Be?' Screw that, Wes. If that bastard was so ready to mutilate and then kill Cordy…I won't lose any sleep at nights over what happened to him. I mean, what the hell, after all - I didn't kill the Wolfram & Hart chick-"

"Wolfram & Hart?" Angel asked angrily. "They were in on this?"

"She bought me at an auction," Cordelia told the vampire Champion. "She told them to pluck out my eyes, when Xander showed up."

"Ah, yes," Wesley said. "I'd figured it was an some sort of caller sale. But the only clue we had, that sculpture, wasn't at all easy to track-"

"Our Internet connection went down, for some reason," Angel said, very unhappy. He looked to Cordelia. "If Wolfram & Hart are involved, then we'll have to hide you…"

"Nah, it's okay, man," Xander interrupted him. "They won't be coming after her again."

"You don't know these people, Xander," the vampire told the young mortal. "If they want her, they won't stop till they-"

"My boss will call their boss if they decide to get pushy," Harris said simply. "Besides, the evil guys hadn't yet lost any money by the time I got involved, so Cordy should be in the clear - unless they want an all-out war with you. Which isn't part of their...game plan."

"Your boss?" Angel asked, focusing on the most important part of the speech. "Who do you work for that Wolfram & Hart would listen to?"

"He never told me his real name," Xander said truthfully. Seeing the three AI team members looking at him, he added, "Story time?"

"I'm all ears," Angel said, as he sat on the edge of Cordelia's desk.

"Okay, I was only a few miles out of Sunnydale on my road trip - when I suddenly appeared at some monastery in China," he told them all with a grimace. "Long story short, some old guy told me I'd been...chosen."

"Chosen?" Wesley asked, shocked. "As in, a-a Slayer?"

"Big no!" Xander said firmly. "He said he needed a champion to correct events on the earth plane. He said he'd pulled himself back through the 'river of time', and wanted to fix what he saw as stuff that went wrong."

Cordelia tried to understand, "Why would he take you to China to just talk?"

"Number of reasons," Xander told her. "He said I had to be...prepared. I got a power boost, and was trained in a lot of different forms of combat. I mean, I don't know if I could take Buffy down, but I could sure do her some damage-"

"Why would you want to fight Buffy?" Angel asked, very interested.

"I don't," Xander said quickly. A bit TOO quickly. "I just used her as an example. Besides, I won't be going back to Sunnydale for a while, a couple of years at least."

Cordelia looked at him, shocked. "But that's where Buffy and Willow are…I don't get it. I never thought you would ever leave them!"

She didn't understand this at all. It was because of that fact that Cordelia hadn't bothered to try to patch things up with her ex back in Sunnydale, at least when they'd started to talk again. As Ms. Chase knew she wanted to leave Sunnydale forever, and she'd thought for sure that Xander would never leave the Hellmouth with her.

"It's not my choice," Xander told her, a little downcast. "I was told that I had to stay away, or else it would get very bad there. In any case, someone else is being sent there to...take my place in the group."

"But this doesn't make any sense," Wesley said to that. "Why remove a trusted ally of the Slayer, to replace him with an unknown?"

Angel watched Harris's reaction, and instantly understood. "You know why, don't you? You were told everything about all of the why's and wherefore's, most likely. Even if you're not in share mode?"

Xander shrugged. "I was shown some things. Things that I...well, things that three months ago I would have believed were completely impossible, if you or anyone else had told me about them." He took a deep breath. "I then agreed to come here, and take on my new job."

"Which is what?" Cordelia asked, wondering where he'd gotten all the new money for the clothes and car.

"To train you," Harris told his ex-girlfriend. "Prepare you for what's coming. What happened to you, four years down the road...it's a big thing that my boss wants changed. And after I saw what I saw…I'm making damn sure it gets changed, too."

"Does something bad happen to me?" Cordy asked in a scared, low voice.

"Something would have," Xander answered resolutely. "But this time around, it's not going to. Come what may, I won't let it."

"Thank you," she said quietly. (Wow. This is majorly intense...)

Angel very much didn't like not knowing what was the what, already. "Can you tell us ANYTHING?"

"No, so don't ask for details," Xander said, his expression very remote and troubled as he shook his head. "I'm here to teach Cordy how to defend herself, and to act as her…bodyguard as well, I guess you could put it."

"Does this have anything to do with the thing you'll be doing, when you eventually return to Sunnydale?" Wesley inquired, his inherent Watcher-ness fascinated by these new and unexpected developments.

"No," Xander responded at once. "That's another matter, that I have to do my own training for." He stood and held up his hand. "Return."

Angel and Wesley jumped back in surprise, as a large weapon appeared by magic in Xander's hand. It was a long multipurpose weapon with a red and silver blade on top, and a solid stake on the bottom.

"Now that's one big-ass axe," Cordelia said, amazed.

"It's a scythe, actually. At least, that's what he - I - am going with at the moment," Xander informed her. "Depart!" he uttered, and the ancient weapon vanished.

Next, Xander pulled a small test tube that seemed to be full of glowing liquid. "Cordy, do you trust me?"

She looked into his eyes before answering, "Yeah, I guess..."

Harris offered her the small, corked test tube. "Then drink this, right now. It'll make sure your visions don't ever hurt you again. And believe me, that'll definitely be a plus for you - in more ways than one."

---

**The realm of the Powers That Be**

**The same time**

The Power that was known to Xander as his 'boss' watched through the viewing portal, as Cordelia Chase drank the liquid down. "Good, Jasmine cannot now manipulate her chosen vessel. Her entry into the earth plane should be barred forever..."

"Master?"

The Power removed the image it was watching, before turning to its servant. "Yes?"

"I have been told your coven in the land of England believe the witch named Amy Madison is ready for your needs," the higher being informed his lord.

"Good," the Power replied at once. "I will attend to her shortly. When next the Watcher is to get new books, make sure that the de-ratting spell is planted within one of them."

"Yes, Master," the underling responded. "Also, the one called Anya has arrived..."

---

**Watchers Council Main Library**

**London, England**

**December 17th, 1999**

"Must be a big project," the man at the desk told the young woman.

"The biggest!" Anya said, faking her enthusiasm. "I tell you, it's a lot of work making sure all the books and scrolls we've collected over the centuries are all still here..."

"Of course they're still here!" the man said, as if it was obvious. "This library has been here longer than London itself. NOTHING is ever going to happen to change that!" He quickly handed her the keys. "Just make sure you reactivate the magical locks, when you leave?"

"Right, no problem..." Anya replied pushing up her thick-rimmed 'undercover' glasses. She then watched as the man grabbed his coat and left, leaving her all alone in the massive library.

She took a moment to look over the countless bookcases on multiple levels, before releasing a huge groan. "This is going to take forever..."

Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins walked over to the first row, and placed her hand on the first book. "Copy," she said, then watched as the books began to glow all the way down the long shelf.

When the books stopped glowing, she reached for the first book on the second shelf, "Copy..."

---

**The home of Rupert Giles, Sunnydale, California**

**December 21st, 1999**

Everyone stood around watching, but not standing in the way. "You sure this will work, Willow?" Buffy asked.

"Not completely," Willow replied. "But it's worth a shot..."

She placed the rat down onto the couch cushions, before she started to utter the spell in a bastardised version of Italian. "'_Cio che fu non e piu. Cio che fu fatto disfa. Passato e il pericolo, finita e la prova. Metti le cosa a posto._' What was is no longer. What was done undo. The danger is past, the trial no more. Set it right.

A bright swirl of white lights caused them to cover their eyes, and when the Scooby gang could see again, a very naked Amy Madison was there looking around in shock. "I'm human again!" she yelled in joy. "I knew you could do it, Willow!"

Willow smiled, as Giles covered Amy with a blanket. "Glad someone did-"

"I always knew you could," Amy said, giving her audience a performance worthy of an Oscar. "It took some time…but you did it!"

----

**Apartment of Alexander Harris, Los Angeles, California**

**December 24th, 1999**

Cordelia walked off the large mat, practically sweating a river in her workout clothes. "Thank God that's over!"

"I thought you were starting to like my lessons?" Xander asked, as he wiped his face with a towel.

"I do. I am," Cordelia admitted. "I mean, I get to see you all half-naked and glistening…it's better than your time on the swim team, during junior year! But Xander, why did we need to spar on Christmas Eve?"

"It was only a half-time lesson, woman!" Xander grumbled. "Should we go for another hour? 'Cause we can do that if you like-"

"No!" Cordelia told him firmly. "No, it's fine. I'm just going to go up to my apartment, and take a quick shower. Then we're meeting the others, for Christmas dinner!"

----

An hour later, two members of the Powers That Be were watching Xander and Cordelia exit their apartment building, arm in arm.

"Do you think your changes have sufficiently altered what you say is to come?" the female asked the male.

"I anticipate so," the male responded. "Jasmine's plans have been removed from the board, and that damned mercenary of hers is now constantly screaming in agony within that cube of fire. Glory's spell of forgetfulness has no effect on the witch released from animal form, and Amy will also be able to keep her fellow witch off the path of darkness."

"That may not be able to be avoided," the female cautioned. "Apparently nothing could stop Willow Rosenberg from killing, the first time around."

"Have faith."

"Very well," the female said, with a touch of irony in her 'voice'. "And what of the First?"

The male Power watched the mortals drive away into the night. "If the Slayer doesn't need to sacrifice herself, then she won't ever need to be pulled out of the afterlife. The forces protecting the Slayer line will remain inviolate. However, if somehow the First still comes forth…the power of the scythe will be wielded properly this time, to defeat its demon hordes."

"The army of Slayers-?"

The male nodded. "Is still an option if need be, though it may not be the witch Willow casting the spell."

The female raised an eyebrow. "And if the First comes some time in the far distant future, long after its current wielder is dead?"

"Then one of his descendants will wield the scythe in battle," the male stated.

"You truly believe the seer and the wielder will bear offspring one day?"

"I'm pushing for it to happen," Xander's boss replied. "The old protector line is extinguished. A new line needs to be created."

"I have a feeling," the female told the male archly, "that the next few years to come will be a very interesting time, if nothing else."

The male looked at the female. "That much is true."

THE END


	5. An Unwanted Sister

**Title:** An Unwanted Sister

**By:** Nodakskip

**Beta by:** Theo

**Rated:** PG 13 if that.

**Disclaimer: **All the Buffy/Angel stuff belongs to WB, FOX & its bumbling sidekick Joss.

**Category: **Buffy/Angel Crossover

**A/N:** This is an AU set in Buffy season 6/Angel season 3, so not everything will match up. But then, it's not supposed to.

**Summary: **Cordelia gets a surprise visitor from Sunnydale...and an even more surprising gift.

---

**Hyperion Hotel, Los Angeles, CA**

**January 2nd, 2002**

**2:34 pm**

"Hi. I'm Xander Harris?"

Charles Gunn turned away, from looking at the large crate Xander had brought with him through the front door. "Yo, English, you know this guy?"

"Yes I do," Wesley told him. "He's one of the Slayer's group, from Sunnydale."

"Hey, Wes," Xander said in passing, before looking at the ex-Watcher more carefully. "And gotta say, you've sure changed..."

Gunn looked back at Xander, "Slayer, huh? Angel's old lady? She need help slaying some big nasty?"

"Nope," Xander told him simply. "Look…I came to see Cordelia. She's working here today, right?"

"Sorta," Gunn told him. "Her and Angel are upstairs with Connor."

Xander nodded. "Angel's son?"

"Yes he is," Wesley commented, as Gunn went off to get Cordelia. "How did you know about him?"

"Cordelia emailed me a few pics of her with him last week," Xander answered absently.

Wesley frowned at that. "We were trying to keep Connor's existence a secret. There are people who-"

"-who've tried to kidnap him already, yeah, yeah, I know," Xander responded, as he moved the cart slowly down the three steps to the lobby.

"Xander!" Cordelia shouted from the top of the stairs, Angel with Connor, and Gunn trailing her as she ran down the stairs to meet her old...friend. "Hey, you big dork!" Cordy said as she hugged him. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"This wasn't exactly something I had planned," Xander told her simply, as they broke the hug.

"Well, that's okay," Cordy said. "We can still do something...hey, isn't Anya with you?" Ms. Chase asked, after she looked around the lobby and failed to find the former demon.

"Ah…no," Xander told her. "Anya is definitely not with me. In any sense of the word, either."

"But I heard you two were engaged now! What the hell happened?" the vision girl asked, as she heard the upset tone in his voice.

Xander shrugged, the bad memories surfacing at once. "We broke up. It was the damnedest thing, out of the blue she didn't think - well, long story short, one of her old demon pals came to town and convinced her that we just didn't have any sort of viable future together. And there was also something about how I should buy property in Arizona, and not spend my money on silly things like food..."

Cordelia looked away for a moment, knowing that she had once been almost as obsessed with money and assets like that. "Okay then, how about me and you get some Ben and Jerry's ice cream and head over to my place? We can bitch about our suck-y love lives," she frowned. "Think I'll skip you, though."

"Thanks Cor, but I think I should show you this before anything else," Xander said, as he pointed to the large crate.

"You brought me somethinggggggggggg..." Cordelia trailed off, as everyone in the lobby slowed down and then froze like a DVD on pause. The room suddenly looked very much like a house of wax figures.

"I do not have time for this, demon!" an older man in a white robe said, as they appeared in the lobby.

"No, boss, just hear me out," Whistler told him quickly. "See, this is perfect for us!" He went over to the crate. "That thing in here, it can solve all our problems in one swell foop. All you have to do is let it!"

The Power That Be was unsure, as he walked to the frozen form of Cordelia. "Even without the visions, she could still give birth to the abomination-"

"No, she won't!" Whistler told him. "Sir, that's exactly why this chance is so important; the mercenary isn't scheduled to change her into a part-demon for another week…and that, as we've both learned, happens because the stupid broad gets sold on the idea that the next vision would kill her! But if she doesn't have them anymore..."

The Power That Be considered it. "It is hardly wise to make a decision like this, without the input of the others-"

"With all due respect?" Whistler asked him in amazement. "It's pretty obvious now that one or more of them's gotta be in cahoots with your 'abomination'. Or else, how would this plan of hers have escaped your notice for so long?"

The Power walked over to where Angel was holding baby Connor; he looked at the infant, and then back to Cordelia. "Demon or not, she could still join with the Father. And you know the consequences of that, all might eventually be lost-"

"So then set her up with someone else!" Whistler suggested, not giving up. "If the hottie's already involved with some other schmoe, then she won't shack up with the 'miracle baby'! And that's all that's important, right?"

"Did you have someone in mind, lower being?" the higher being demanded.

"Why not old Angel here?" Whistler asked, gesturing. "He already has feelings for her, and true her feelings for him are just friendship right now, but they'd grow-"

"You show your inferior intelligence yet again, demon!" the Power angrily spoke down to him. "The very nature of the soul curse, makes it impossible for this creature to have such relations with someone that he has 'feelings' for. You saw what happened four mortal years ago for yourself, did you not?"

"Yeah..." Whistler didn't like to be reminded of past failures. "But he's your champion now!"

"One of many," the Power commented emotionlessly. He pointed at Xander. "It is best, I think, that she should be given to this one."

"What? The Slayer's nameless sidekick?" Whistler asked, shocked. "But sir…he's nothing, nobody. No powers, he's not even a champion of any-"

"His time has not yet come," the Power That Be told the demon regally. "For I recognize him now. He's the new project of my offspring."

"Really?" Whistler asked in astonishment.

"Yes," the higher being responded. "She is young I grant you, only 25,000 years old, and yet still picked this mortal to be her future champion. A better choice than the other vampire."

"Other vampire?" Whistler asked at once. "Who? Darla?"

"No. The one called William the Bloody," the Power answered. "Some of the others think he will make a fine champion himself…someday."

"Without a soul? Yeah, well, myself I have very big doubts about that," Whistler told him, screwing his face up in distaste.

"As do others," the Power replied. The senior member of the Powers That Be came to a decision. "Very well, lower being. Your suggestion shall be implemented…and Heaven knows if we do nothing, we can't really complain when it happens, now, can we?"

"No, sir," Whistler said respectfully, willing to eat a little crow now that he'd won his case.

"And besides..." the Power mused further. "This easily-fooled seer once had feelings for the 'sidekick' as you call him, years past. It will be child's play to reawaken them."

---

**A few moments...well, at least as far as the humans are concerned...later**

Cordelia looked over the box. "Xander, I know your taste in gifts was never great...well, not counting that Valentine's Day locket-"

"This isn't a gift, Cor," Xander told her somberly. "And before I open it, I have to give you some of the backstory. Do you remember a kid a year or so behind us in high school, named Warren Meers?"

Cordelia thought for a moment, before shaking her head. "Nope, the name doesn't ring a bell."

Xander nodded, "Yeah, well, I didn't remember him either. But there is a name I'm sure you will remember from back then. Ted-"

Cordelia looked horrified, instinctively looking to Angel. "You mean - the nutsoid 1950's psycho Ted, the robot!"

"Yep," Xander replied simply.

"Did he come back to harm Buffy, somehow?" Angel asked the most important question in his mind.

"No-" Xander answered before Wesley commented, "I think I read something about all this in Mr. Giles' journals, back then..."

"A robot?" Gunn asked, confused. "As in the Terminator?"

"No, again," Xander told him, trying to hold on to his patience. "There was a guy way back who was dying and got dumped by his wife, so he created a robot version of himself that dragged her back to him…and later, Robbie the Robot kept on with collecting wives every decade or so. I got the joy of finding their remains stuffed in its closet, back in the day."

"Think I would have liked the Terminator better," Gunn commented with a disgusted look.

"Piece of advice. You never want to say that in Sunnydale," Xander told him with a look, before he turned back to Cordy. "Anyway, somehow Warren got a look at Ted's plans…or maybe he was smart enough to do it all from scratch himself, I don't know. But either way, he built another robot. He built himself a girlfriend-bot."

"Eww!" Cordelia said, grossed out. "That loser made something for him to have sex with, whenever he wanted?"

"Yeah, he built himself a Stepford wife," Xander answered with a shrug. "Buffy had to battle it to the death, when Warren decided to try for a human girl. But you see, that caught the attention of someone else."

"Who?" Angel demanded.

"Spike…and his girlfriend, vamp Harmony."

"Harmony?" Cordelia called out, surprised. "But I thought she hated him now!"

"Not anymore," Xander sighed. "She came back to Sunnydale, after she had her fun here in LA last year. Almost didn't happen, apparently; she was on her way to Mexico, when the train she was in had to turn around and head back to California. So she decided to come home, and well..." He looked at Angel. "The old blondie-bear does have his ways of getting women to forgive him, right Angel?"

"Figures!" Cordelia grumbled, as the vampire with a soul simply nodded.

Harris kept on with the story, "Well, she and Spike forced Warren to build a new 'bot for them to...have fun with."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Eww, again!"

"Oh, you don't know the half of it yet..." Xander said, while shaking his head. "Gotta say that all this initially scared the crap out of me, when I saw them getting it on with the 'bot in that crypt of theirs..." Xander opened the padlock on the crate, and swung open the doors.

"OH MY GOD! THAT BITCH! I'M GONNA STAKE BOTH THEIR ASSES FOR THIS!" Cordelia screamed, when she saw the robot standing motionless in the crate. And it sunk into her brain, in whose image the machine had been created.

Xander waited for at least a minute, to let Cordelia's not-unexpected rant wind down. "Cordelia Chase…meet 'Cordy'!"

The young man activated a remote control unit he took out of the crate, and the Cordy-bot's eyes opened. She stepped out and smiled at Xander happily, before she turned and looked right at the real Cordelia.

And smiled like a little girl at Christmas.

"You built me a sister?" the 'bot yelled, before it ran over and hugged Cordy. "Oh sister mine, we'll have so much fun pleasing Master Xander-"

"Get off me!" Cordelia demanded pushing the 'bot off of her. She then turned her very angry face to Xander. "And, Master Xander?"

Angel tried not to grin, as he tried to calm Connor down. Wes and Gunn also tried not to have a big giggle about it, and were not succeeding very well...

But ignoring them, Harris shut the 'bot off before he turned to face Cordelia. "When we removed it from the crypt, the Cordy-'bot became...upset. Y'know, that we were taking her away from Master Spike and Mistress Harmony. So Willow had to make it see someone else as her new master..." He quickly added, "And just so you know, I didn't have anything to do with who it picked!"

"No, but you sure don't mind it calling you Master Xander, right!" Cordelia still fumed.

"Would you rather have your robot double saying Mistress Buffy or Mistress Willow?" Xander demanded.

Gunn walked over and gave the Cordy-bot a quick once-over, before he looked at the real Cordelia. "Have to say, guy built her incredibly well; she looks like a damn good copy…even sounded like you, too! This is just...freaky."

"Well, uh, she's not in fact a 100 dead-ringer for Cordy," Xander commented. "There's one thing down south that's...missing."

"You had to check that out?" Angel asked his old rival, upset.

"Don't yell at me about that, Dead Boy!" Xander told the vampire at once. "Because I didn't ask for any of this! And for the record, when we arrived at that crypt Robot Girl was stark naked, trying on outfits that Harmony had gotten her!"

"How would you have anything to compare…" Wesley started to ask the young man, before Cordelia cut him off.

"He knows, because him and I...made up before I left town," She spun on Angel and told him, "And not one word about that!" Cordelia ordered, knowing the Champion held no love for Xander at all.

The vision girl then looked back at her double, very grossed out. "So, two vampires actually made a sex doll version of me and screwed it silly? God, I should have staked that bitch when I had the opportunity!"

"Yeah, well, just wait till you hear this part," Xander said, as he reactivated the 'bot. "'Cordy', tell me what you said yesterday about what you were like in high school," he ordered it.

"Okay!" the 'bot said, in a very perky tone of voice. "I was such a loser…I dated a dork who cheated on me, and then I was mean to the bestest, most smartest girl in the whole entire world, Harmony Kendall! I was so happy, when she let me be her little dirty girl to make up for it-"

"What!" Cordelia yelled. "Her dirty girl?"

Again the male members of Angel's Avengers tried not grin, as the 'bot looked at her counterpart in alarm. "Oh! My new sister is upset, Master Xander!"

Before anyone could stop it, the robot took hold of her human self and kissed her forcefully to cheer her up. And nobody noticed the blue light that quickly passed from the real girl to the fake...at least, no one in that room...

"Let her go!" Xander demanded, as he forced the 'bot off of his ex. "Cordy, are you okay?"

"Do I LOOK okay?" Cordelia demanded, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and appearing ready to heave.

"I'm fine, Master Xander!" the 'bot answered at the same time.

"Okay, 'fess up; why the hell did you do that?" Xander demanded of the machine.

"She was upset," the robot answered back. "I wanted her to be happy, like me!"

"Damn. Must be some old program that we missed," Xander said apologetically to Cordelia. "Sorry, Cor-"

Cordelia nodded, as she stepped back up to the 'bot. "Listen here, you plastic-headed robot bimbo…you will never…and I mean NEVER, kiss me again!"

The Cordelia-bot looked to Xander, confused and unsure. "Master Xander, why is my sister mad at me?"

"I'm not your damn sister!" Cordelia yelled at it. "And don't call the dorkhead here that, ever again!"

"Master Xander?" the 'bot said, now ignoring Cordelia. "I'm currently receiving some hitherto-unknown visual and audio input. Source unknown, method unknown-"

"What?" Xander asked, not understanding.

"I am seeing a man and woman being attacked by a Lubber demon at a motel," the 'bot stated, looking straight ahead. "Room 21. However, this input is being downloaded into my memory files and not being acquired from my sensors. I do not understand what is happening-"

"What? Wish Willow was here, I don't remember any of this as being part of your programming," Xander said, unsure as he went for the off switch again.

But he was stopped by the 'bot's hand. "Please, Master Xander. The humans seem like they will need help. I see a clock on the wall saying 9:43 pm. In addition, stationery that identifies the location as the Rameses Motel-"

"That's only a few miles up the road," Gunn said, getting it. "We better saddle up just in case, that's an old mom and pop run place-"

By this time, Cordelia was incensed. "No, no, NO! You're telling me that that hunk of metal got my visions, after she kissed me?"

---

**141 Embury Street, Los Angeles, CA**

**Two hours later**

Xander and Cordelia were alone at her apartment, as he had followed her home when the Fang Gang had gone off to save the day. "I just don't believe this!" Cordelia fumed. "I mean yeah, those visions were practically killing me…but to have some damned robot sex toy for vampires get them? That's so wrong, on so many levels..."

Xander shrugged. "At least now you can download them onto the computer from her CPU, and set up a database for the darn things..."

The Chase woman instantly glared at him.

"I'm sorry, Cordy," Xander said apologetically. "But you said it just now and in your emails, those things really were damn near killing you. Hey, did you ever go for that CAT scan like you said you would?"

"Never mind that now..." She softened a bit at his genuinely concerned face. "But they were a part of me, Harris. What made me worthwhile around here-"

"You don't need a power to help Angel," he told her forcefully. "Just like I don't need one, to help Buffy. That much I know for sure."

"Well, thanks," Cordy said, glad someone had said it rather than it just being a thought in her head. "I just don't enjoy feeling like-"

"The Zeppo?" Xander said with a smirk.

Cordy instinctively glared, before calming down. "Yeah," she finally admitted. "And sorry about that."

"It's all in the past," Harris said with a shrug.

"And now, so are my visions!" Cordy said, downcast. Getting up, she headed to the kitchen. "I'm getting a drink, you want one?"

"Sure," Xander replied, as she disappeared into the other room.

Cordelia reached into the fridge, and pulled out a large pitcher of liquid. "What the hell's this?" she then asked, as she noticed a small cloth bag on the shelf of the fridge. The woman put the pitcher down on the counter, and picked up the bag. "I don't remember this ever being in my fridge. Hey Dennis, did you leave that in there?"

She untied the small rope that tied it closed. And when Cordy pulled it open to look inside, a puff of red mist shot out and quickly engulfed her head.

----

**Hyperion Hotel, Los Angeles, CA**

**January 3rd, 2002**

**3:17 pm**

"You did what!" Angel demanded the next day.

"Xander and I made love last night," Cordelia told her friend again, still finding it a little hard to believe. "I don't know why, it just...happened. And I mean, I didn't think I could do that anymore with anybody because of the whole vision thing, but now that they're gone…"

"But with HIM?" Angel asked, trying to mask his jealousy.

"Yeah, I know, who'd have thunk it?" Cordelia said with a sudden smile, totally missing Angel's look. "I mean, we 'made up' before I left town…but we had no plans to ever get involved like that again! Oh, and let me tell you, Anya was definitely good for some things with that guy! Xander can do a lot of incredible stuff in bed nowadays-"

"No, no, no, I don't want to hear this!" Angel grumbled.

"Geez, fine! It's not like he's moving here into town," Cordelia said, annoyed at Angel's reaction. "At least, not yet-"

"Not yet?" the vampire yelled in a very unmanly way.

"In a couple of weeks, Xander's going to spend his vacation time here," Cordy told him. "I figure we can hang out, get to know one another again. I mean we're both free and single adults, who knows - maybe it could work this time..."

Angel instantly muttered some excuse that he could hear Connor crying, and stormed away - trying not to show how his undead heart was breaking in two.

And later, when he was holding his infant son in his arms...the vampire suddenly recalled the words that Angelus had said to Harris, nearly four years ago.

"_It must just eat you up that I got there first..._"

That phrase had been spoken by a soulless demon, who had enjoyed playing with his prey in that hospital corridor. Who had been anticipating having the blonde Slayer as his eternal paramour soon enough, and who had been unable to resist getting in a satisfying little verbal dig at the human annoyance.

But now that the shoe was on the other foot...for the first time in his unlife, Angel suspected that he could truly understand what Xander Harris had felt then, when the boy had promised him that he would be there when Angelus finally got staked.

Karma. What goes around, comes around.

And not for the first time, Connor's father suspected that Fate truly had a sadistic sense of humor...

The End


	6. Bad Timing

I am home a lot and I flip through the channels, I see two shows on the Cartoon Network way too much. This is one of them that I thought would fit Cordy and her high school group perfectly. No idea if it shows in other countries.

FIC: Bad Timing

Author: Nodakskip

Not Betaed

Crossover for "Totally Spies!"

Summary: Set in season two between 'Ted' and 'Bad Eggs'

---

Sunnydale High School

Friday, December 12th, 1997

4:13 PM

Classes had let out an hour ago, only those in detention, or at sports practice were still around. Well except for the two teens groping each other in the locked closet.

"Oh, Xander." Cordelia Chase moaned as her closet buddy put his hand gently up her shirt. She then resumed giving him a major hickey on his neck. Xander let out a few noise of his own when one of Cordelia's hands grabbed firmly on to his butt.

The young couple was so involved with each other, that they didn't notice the section of floor swing open like a trap door. Soon any sounds of pleasure were replaced with screaming as they fell through the long underground tunnel.

---

Office of Jerry Lewis

WOOHP Headquarters

Location Classified

Jerry turned from the other two girls, Harmony and Aphrodisia, as the center of the other large O in the large WOOHP logo dropped open. "Ah," he said with a stiff accent, "Here comes Cordelia."

"Look out below!" and "Move your foot!" in a pair of voices came out of the tube.

Harmony looked shocked to Jerry. "Jerry is someone in there with her?"

"Oh dear." The balding man in the suit said as he pulled out a small tube.

Xander and Cordelia came at that moment and tumbled out onto the large landing cushion. "What the hell was that?" Xander asked as he picked himself up.

Pulling her shirt down Cordelia looked upset at the spy master. "Jerry, your timing sucks!"

"Cordy?" Xander said as he quickly got between his maybe girlfriend and the strange man. "You know this guy?"

"Take it easy Xander," Cordy told him. "Jerry won't hurt you."

"Xander Harris?" Harmony called out shocked. "I knew you had a new guy, but I didn't think it would be Xander Harris!"

"This is MAJOR!" Aphrodisia agreed.

"Ah, yeah…" Cordelia said completely unsure of what to say to her friends. "Didn't I tell you guys?"

Harmony stalked up to her, "No you did not tell us!"

"Um," Xander tried to cut in. "Am I the only one wondering why I just went down the mile long trap door into Dr. Evil's lair?"

"Well Xander," Cordy started nervously. "I couldn't really tell you…"

She didn't get anymore out before Jerry used the tube he had waiting. "Jerry!" Cordelia yelled out as the pink mist knocked Xander out. "Did you have to do that?"

As she put Xander's limp form on the large landing cushion, Jerry went back to his desk. "Sorry, but we can't compromise WOOHP operational security. He will be fine, he will just not remember anything."

"Trust me on this Jerry, he can keep a secret." Cordy told her boss.

"Maybe." Jerry said. "But first we have other matters to attend to."

"Where are we going to this time Jer?" Aphrodisia asked as the three spies took their seats for the briefing.

"Toronto." Their boss informed them. "There has been a strange rash of missing people that needs to be looked into as soon as possible ladies."


End file.
